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RECORD OF THE WEEK
HIGHEST AVERAGE PER GAME, SEASON
41.133 - Hoodlums 1996, 40.94 - Yeah Dudes 2011, 40.88 - Hellraisers 2011, 40.36 - Hellraisers 2006
2011 sucked for 10
For more records, go to the all time records page.
IMAGE OF THE WEEK
Vegas 11
Anyone who wasn't here, piss off
Anyone who wasn't here, piss off
WHAT'S GOING ON
16th Annual JIT Championship
Yeah Dudes - 45
Hellraisers - 38
Blowsticks - 35
Shootout for the trophy: Yeah Dudes, compliments of Aaron Rodgers, take it
Odds for 2012 JIT Championship:
Yeah Dudes - 5-2
Hellraisers - 7-2
Blowsticks - 4-1
Destroyers - 10-1
Hoodlums - 1000-1
Goombas - 4-1
Clubbers - 100-1
Boozers - 10-1
Industries - 8-1
Krazies - 7-2
Swingers - 9-1
Snatch - 8-1
Rivers versus Tebow
Tebow 76 | Rivers 73
MOVIE OF THE WEEK
JIT NEWS ARCHIVES
2010
PLAYOFFS?!? YES, PLAYOFFS
In a last minute comeback worthy of Tim Terrrrrrrrrrr, John Elway, the Yeah Dudes came back and topped the Goombas by a single point on a late Frank Gore TD. There is rarely justice in the sports world, but there certainly is a modicum of justice when the top 3 teams going into the playoffs make the championship. Week 16 will see the Yeah Dudes, Hellraisers and Blowsticks duke it out for the 16th JIT Championship, each trying to become the first to win 3 championships overall.

Another reminder that the total points race and high game bonus for the season continues through week 16, so turn in you lineups and get your money. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from the Playoffs.
STARS OF THE PLAYOFFS
Drew Brees and LeSean McCoy paced the Hellraisers with 5 passing and 3 rushing TDs, respectively. That's 38 points between 2 players for those that can't do the math. Meanwhile, on the other side of the country, Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnon regained their early season form with 4 passing and 2 receiving TDs. That's 28 points between 2 players for those that can't do the math. These are totals that would win a lot of games in this league.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
Well another regular season is in the books, and I can honestly say for me it's been one of the weirdest, most fluctuative, most disappointing seasons in a long time. Really, unless you're a Packers or 49ers fan in the real NFL, or an Aaron Rodgers or Drew Brees owner in FF, the whole year has been a struggle. Week to week, there have been very few consistent performers, injuries have been rampant, every instinct you have is proven wrong. (Anyone have Vick scoring 48 points for the season ? Last I checked he scored 28 in 1 game last year. But I digress. I'll try to do some other statistical analysis in the coming weeks, and I think the anomalies will continue to shine. Anyhow, good luck to those in the playoffs - break a leg.

P.S. Tebow still stinks. Pinch hitter extrordinaire.
WEEK 14, REGULAR SEASON IN THE BOOKS
Playoff time. Season 16 of JIT is in the books, at least the regular season, and now the race for the cash really begins. Yeah Dudes eked out a regular season point total win by a measly 3 points over the Hellraisers, as well the number one overall seed and the single game high bonus. The aforementioned Hellraisers of course then got the number 2 seed, and the Blowsticks, Destroyers, Hoodlums and Goombas rounded out the remaining spots in the playoff shootout round. The Goombas literally got in to the playoffs by 1 point, 24-23 over the stung Industries. And the Swingers missed out by a single point as well - a tie in week 12. Ah, the joy and pain of fantasy football. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 14.
STARS OF WEEK 14
Maurice Jones Drew dropped a 4-TD bomb on the suddenly hapless Bucs, but they weren't enough to get the Hoodlums a win and better than a .500 record. Matt Ryan, Tony Romo and Mason Crosby all went for 16, ironically 2 of 3 in losing FF efforts. Balance is key my friends.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
Well another regular season is in the books, and I can honestly say for me it's been one of the weirdest, most fluctuative, most disappointing seasons in a long time. Really, unless you're a Packers or 49ers fan in the real NFL, or an Aaron Rodgers or Drew Brees owner in FF, the whole year has been a struggle. Week to week, there have been very few consistent performers, injuries have been rampant, every instinct you have is proven wrong. (Anyone have Vick scoring 48 points for the season ? Last I checked he scored 28 in 1 game last year. But I digress. I'll try to do some other statistical analysis in the coming weeks, and I think the anomalies will continue to shine. Anyhow, good luck to those in the playoffs - break a leg.

P.S. Tebow still stinks. Pinch hitter extrordinaire.
WEEK 13, NEXT TO LAST WEEK
Hellraisers = LSU. Yeah Dudes = Alabama. Everyone else = everyone else. If there's ever been a more top heavy season in JIT history, I'm not aware of it. JIT 2011 = Dolly, or maybe Morganna. The Hellraisers and Yeah Dudes added to their win totals in week 13, and are battling for the season point total bonus at the same time. The Destroyers and Hoodlums scored big wins for the playoff hunt, with 3 teams essentially fighting over the last playoff spot, without a mathematical anomaly. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 13.
STARS OF WEEK 13
Cam Newton did his best to keep the Hoodlums rolling with 3 rushing TDs and 1 throwing TD, but the 22 points were not enough to counteract the lackadaisical performance of the rest of the Hoodlums in a loss to the Destroyers. They got Tebowed. Rob Gronkowski continued his record setting TE season with 3 TDs in Patriots and Destroyers wins, the latter over said Hoodlums.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
Current list of things that stink:
  • The BCS
  • NFL tackling
  • NFL defense
  • Consistent FF performances
  • The Browns in the last 60 years
  • Fans of teams who are always successful
  • Cowboys clock management
  • Jaguars fan base
  • Norv Turner
  • Andy Reid
  • Tim Tebow's actual QB play
  • The NFC East
  • The AFC South
  • The Patriots defense
  • The injury list
  • My FF team
WEEK 12, CONFERENCE PLAY ROUND 2
The Hellraisers had another big week out of Drew Brees and took over the top spot in both the standings and the total points races. This is in part to their big week, and in part to the Yeah Dudes laying a surprising egg against the hapless Snatch. Momma said there'd be weeks like this. In other surprising news, the Hoodlums cotinue their rise up the rankings, despite sitting near the bottom of the points rankings. Hoodlums continue their reign as luckiest team in JIT. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 12.
STARS OF WEEK 12
Drew Brees rang up 4 passing and 1 rushing TD in a MNF laugher, and leading the Hellraisers to the high score of the week. In the same FF game, the Goombas lost big but did get 19 points out of Sebastian Janikowski, who did lead his Raiders to an important win. A kicker can only do so much.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
Current list of things that stink:
  • Norv Turner
  • Andy Reid
  • Tim Tebow's actual QB play
  • The NFC East
  • The AFC South
  • The Patriots defense
  • The injury list
  • My FF team
WEEK 11, LAST WEEK OF INTERCONFERENCE PLAY
The Yeah Dudes and Hellraisers continue to strengthen their position at the top of the standings. At this point, it's going to take some upsets to not see these teams in the Championship round, although we all know upsets happen. The Hoodlums and the Goombas continue to rise, although the final playoff positions are still very much up for grabs. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 11.
STARS OF WEEK 11
Cam Newton ran for 2 TDs and threw for 1 and a 2-pt conversion to put up 17 points for the losing Panthers and the winning Hoodlums. Newton continues his breakout rookie season. In the same NFL game, Matthew Stafford threw for 5 TDs for the winning Lions, but the losing Blowsticks, who couldn't muster much from their other players.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
I realize I'm a curmudgeon, and old before my time, and this question has been asked a million times before, but where has the NFL of my youth gone? While there were certainly prolific offenses in that time: Fouts' Chargers, Marino's Dolphins, Montana's 49ers, there were also defenses that knocked the snot of you: the '85 Bears, the '86 Giants, and my team, Buddy Ryan's Eagles. Maybe I'm looking back too fondly, but I couldn't help thinking of this as a run-of-the-mill Running Back (LeGarrette Blount) run through 7 tacklers on the way to the end zone, against a 10-0 team. The Patriots give up yardage like it's Halloween candy. For some historical context, see this post comparing the great defenses of all time. Will we ever see defense like this again? Time will tell, but almost all things are cyclical. But you have to wonder with all the focus on concussions and hitting, if we really ever will.
WEEK 10, HOME STRETCH
Much like the Packers in the real football league, it's going to be an uphill climb to catch the JIT team being lead by the Packers' Aaron Rodgers. The Yeah Dudes increased their lead in all standings, and stand to mop up the year end prizes barring injury or a sea change in the way things are going. Meanwhile, the Hoodlums amazingly climbed their way into the playoff chase, at least for this week. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 10.
STARS OF WEEK 10
Vincent Jackson put up 3 TDs in rare San Diego rain, albeit in a losing effort, aiding the Boozers to a win and the high score of the week. Aaron Rodgers continues his epic season with another 4 TDs in the Monday night game, leading the Packers and Yeah Dudes to big wins. (If this seems repetitive, it is.)
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
What happened? 2011 versus 2010, average points per game
Player 2010 2011 Difference
Vick 11.58 4.89 -6.69
Bowe 5.63 2.67 -2.96
Bradford 4.88 2.29 -2.59
Cassel 6.75 4.44 -2.31
Hillis 4.88 3 -1.88
Green-Ellis 4.5 3.33 -1.17
Freeman 5.88 5.33 -0.54
Garrard 7.63 0 -7.63
WEEK 9, DISCOMBOBULATION AND TRIBULATIONS
Some members of the league in 2011 are the sharks, feeding on the helpless, so are carp, bottomfeeders, and some are tuna, middle of the road fish, sh*tting on the carp and trying to avoid the sharks. The Yeah Dudes, Blowsticks, and Hellraisers continue to prey, the Clubbers, Krazies and Destroyers troll the kelp, and the rest swim in mediocrity. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 9.
STARS OF WEEK 8
Vincent Jackson put up 3 TDs in rare San Diego rain, albeit in a losing effort, aiding the Boozers to a win and the high score of the week. Aaron Rodgers continues his epic season with another 4 TDs in the same game, leading the Packers and Yeah Dudes to big wins.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
Top 6 Signs You Aren't Making the JIT Playoffs
  1. You lose to the Hoodlums
  2. You use a transaction on a fullback in the hopes they get a goal line carry for the week
  3. Your Defense is your second leading scorer
  4. You're carrying 5 RBs and none of them can be counted on for a TD
  5. You've used all your transactions by week 5
  6. You've left almost no points on the bench and still are last in total points scored
WEEK 8, OFFENSES ARE OFFENSIVE
You know it's a bad offensive week when the high score for the week is 37 and 6 of the 12 teams score 22 or less. Maybe it's true that defenses are catching up. Or maybe it's just that there's a lot of injuries, bad benchings and bad karma. No matter how you slice it, teams need to get in gear before the playoffs start. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 8.
STARS OF WEEK 8
Not much to get excited about in Week 8. The Snatch used another 2 TD performance from the Lions Def/Special Teams to help get the high score of the week with a weak 37. The Swingers got an unexpected 2 TD performance from Steven Jackson to help them get a needed win against the slumping Destroyers.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
Top 5 Signs You Aren't Making the JIT Playoffs
  1. You use a transaction on a fullback in the hopes they get a goal line carry for the week
  2. Your Defense is your second leading scorer
  3. You're carrying 5 RBs and none of them can be counted on for a TD
  4. You've used all your transactions by week 5
  5. You've left almost no points on the bench and still are last in total points scored
WEEK 7, SEASON IS HALF OVER
The cream is rising to the top. It continues to appear that the Blowsticks, Hellraisers and Yeah Dudes are the teams to beat. Not only are they leading in the standings, but they continue to put up the biggest points. Meanwhile, at the bottom of the barrel are trading away and struggling to find life. We won't mention any names, but they know who they are. We've got 7 weeks to straighten this all out. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 7.
STARS OF WEEK 7
Arian Foster awoke from his slumber to score 3 rushing TDs for the Texans, helping them to a win but only helping the Krazies keep it close. (Notice a theme?) Drew Brees threw for 5 TDs in a demolishing of the Colts, and in a Hellraisers rout of the Destroyers.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
After I got back in the house this afternoon from playing with the kids outside for a couple of hours, I see the ticker going across and see what a big game DeMarco Murray is having. Remembering what bad press Felix Jones has been getting, I think, that might be a good pickup. I go to my computer, look at my email, and see that someone has already picked him up. My "mistake"? Spending time with my kids rather than perched in front of the tube or a computer. The short story is this is why I'm in favor of a waiver wire and not real-time transactions. The larger story is me thinking about what, in my opinion, JIT is about what it's not about (for about the millionth time in 16 years). The other reason for this is I'm playing in a league at work. It's the standard Yahoo league, and I have almost too many problems with it to list here. Just the fact that you have unlimited transactions means people's lineups are unrecognizable week to week. And the roster sizes are huge, so the free agent pool is a literal scrap heap. We won't even get into the auto-draft. Talk about amateur hour. So take it or leave it, here is my Martin Luther-esque missive:

JIT is about the ability to know how you're doing without needing a computer. JIT is about loyalty to players you drafted, and limited transactions to enforce that loyalty. JIT is about making you think before you make a move. JIT is about limited roster size. JIT is about a consistent owner base year to year. JIT is about balancing the desire for head-to-head matchups with identifying the best teams for the playoffs. JIT is about starting fresh every year. JIT is about a good payout to the winner but enough residual for the rest to keep it interesting. JIT is about being unique. JIT is about the Vegas draft. JIT is about legacy.

WEEK 6, OFFENSES ARE OFFENSIVE
Scoring reached an season low output in week 6, perhaps because of all the teams on bye week, or because defenses are finally rounding into form after a slow start. Either way, the Blowsticks, Yeah Dudes and Hellraisers are still leading the pace, with the Industries in the mix. Meanwhile the Swingers and Destroyers are going in the wrong direction. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 6.
STARS OF WEEK 6
Ahmad Bradshaw scored 3 rushing TDs for the Giants, helping them to a win but only helping the Krazies keep it close. Billy Cundiff scored 17 points kicking it live, helping the Ravens win but only helping the Destroyers keep it close. Sensing a trend?
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
After I got back in the house this afternoon from playing with the kids outside for a couple of hours, I see the ticker going across and see what a big game DeMarco Murray is having. Remembering what bad press Felix Jones has been getting, I think, that might be a good pickup. I go to my computer, look at my email, and see that someone has already picked him up. My "mistake"? Spending time with my kids rather than perched in front of the tube or a computer. The short story is this is why I'm in favor of a waiver wire and not real-time transactions. The larger story is me thinking about what, in my opinion, JIT is about what it's not about (for about the millionth time in 16 years). The other reason for this is I'm playing in a league at work. It's the standard Yahoo league, and I have almost too many problems with it to list here. Just the fact that you have unlimited transactions means people's lineups are unrecognizable week to week. And the roster sizes are huge, so the free agent pool is a literal scrap heap. We won't even get into the auto-draft. Talk about amateur hour. So take it or leave it, here is my Martin Luther-esque missive:

JIT is about the ability to know how you're doing without needing a computer. JIT is about loyalty to players you drafted, and limited transactions to enforce that loyalty. JIT is about making you think before you make a move. JIT is about limited roster size. JIT is about a consistent owner base year to year. JIT is about balancing the desire for head-to-head matchups with identifying the best teams for the playoffs. JIT is about starting fresh every year. JIT is about a good payout to the winner but enough residual for the rest to keep it interesting. JIT is about being unique. JIT is about the Vegas draft. JIT is about legacy.

WEEK 5, MOVEMENT IN STANDINGS CONTINUE, STRENGTH AT TOP
After 5 weeks, the season is starting to take a little shape, and that shape is Jell-o. What we do know is the 3 at the top are staring down at the rest of the scrap pile. The Hellraisers, Blowsticks and Yeah Dudes are ripping it up with matching 4-1 records and also sit atop the total points race, Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 5.
STARS OF WEEK 5
Adrian Peterson and the Vikings finally got off the schnide, going for 3 TDs in wins for the Minnesota 22 and the Vandelay 8. Meanwhile, Cam Newton continued his great fantasy rookie season, supplying a rushing and 2 passing TDs for the resilient Hoodlums. Not so much help for his real team, unless the goal is respectability.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
Abaddon (Coptic: Abbaton, meaning "A place of destruction", "The Destroyer", "Depths of Hell") in the Revelation of St. John, is the king of tormenting locusts and the angel of the bottomless pit. The exact nature of Abaddon is debated, but the Hebrew word is related to the triliteral root (ABD), which in verb form means "to perish."
Abaddon is also one of the compartments of Gehenna. By extension, it can mean an underworld abode of lost souls, or hell. In some legends, it is identified as a realm where the damned lie in fire and snow, one of the places in Hell that Moses visited.

Henceforth, the world of Philadelphia Sports will be known as Abaddon.
WEEK 4, INTERCONFERENCE GAMES BEGIN
Some teams are happy to get out of their conference schedules, others not so much. The Yeah Dudes and Boozers had a scorefest, combining for 116 points and another 30 on the bench. Contrast this with 35 total the Clubbers and Krazies put up in a "defensive" battle. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 4.
STARS OF WEEK 4
Despite our kidding above, it truly was a week for the defenses (and special teams). Four teams got multiple scores from their defense/special teams, lead by Yeah Dudes' 3 TDs from the Ravens. The Hoodlums, Boozers and Snatch each got 2 TDs from the Bears, Jets and Lions, respectively.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
In case you haven't already noticed, this year we're featuring some of the greats from ages past in our Video of the Week. To date, we've included Jim Brown, Sammy Baugh and Chuck Bednarik. This week highlights Dick Butkus. If you've got a favorite you'd like to include, drop us a line and let us know. JIT thinks it's important to remember those who paved the way to make pro football what it is today. If we can find a video of the first fantasy players, we'll include it too.

This league is my league, this league is your league. Tell the commissioner's office what we're lacking the web site. What can make it better? What isn't set up the way you want it? We used to have a weekly survey, it was ignored. Seems like the smack page is only used by a few. (Update: I've been working to make the smack page look more like effing Facebook.) Does anyone care? Or are we too hardcore, i.e. the site is just for turning in a lineup and checking scores?

Some of the ideas I already have are an updated statistics page, links to player profiles on the NFL site, a JIT store, and real time scoring.

If you have an opinion, submit it in the owner's thought thread I started below. Let's make JIT even greater than it already is.
WEEK 3, ROUND 1 OF INTRACONFERENCE GAMES DONE
The Hellraisers and the NNFC save for the Snatch continue their torrid early season pace, each averaging in the 40-plus points for the week. The results continue to show that it's about matchups as much as anything else, with some being counted among the lucky, and others the not so lucky. Things have a way of evening out over 14 games, and we'll see if this holds true in 2011. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 3.
STARS OF WEEK 3
Jermichael Finley lived up to his billing as next big thing TE, at least for this week, with 3 TDs for the Packers and the Blowsticks. Dan Bailey scored a late comeback for the Cowboys and the Yeah Dudes with his 6 FGs.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
This league is my league, this league is your league. Tell the commissioner's office what we're lacking the web site. What can make it better? What isn't set up the way you want it? We used to have a weekly survey, it was ignored. Seems like the smack page is only used by a few. (Update: I've been working to make the smack page look more like effing Facebook.) Does anyone care? Or are we too hardcore, the site is just for turning in a lineup and checking scores?

Some of the ideas I already have are an updated statistics page, links to player profiles on the NFL site, a JIT store, and real time scoring.

If you have an opinion, submit it in the owner's thought thread I started below. Let's make JIT even greater than it already is.
WEEK 2, RED AND BLUE
Week 2 continued interconference matchups, and it left some teams feeling red hot and others quite blue. The Hellraisers, Destroyers and Swingers ran their records to 2-0, while the Industries, Clubbers and Snatch sunk to 0-2. We'll see if there are some Bills or Vikings in the bunch. Also of note are the early pine time results, with plenty of points left on the bench in the early going. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 2.
STARS OF WEEK 2
Matthew Stafford and Matt Ryan padded their stats with 4 passing TDs, helping the Blowsticks and Boozers to big wins. Miles Austin scored 3 receiving TDs to aid the Swingers to a close victory.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
Unsolicited and without rhyme or reason to timing, here are my top 5 lists for college and pro football:

Top 5 Reasons Pro Football is Better than College
  • Pro Fantasy Football is much easier to run
  • The teams are based in real cities
  • The cheerleaders are glorified strippers
  • The schedule is easier to keep track of
  • The champion is decided by an actual playoff, and not computers and conference affiliation
Top 5 Reasons College Football is Better than Pro
  • Oregon's uniforms, Penn State's uniforms, and no uniform gestapo
  • The talent is more spread out, so there's more big plays
  • Bands and student sections
  • Saturdays are better for football (tailgating) than Sundays
  • The traditions are way cooler
WEEK 1 IS FUN
The 16th Annual JIT season is underway, and there were some big fantasy scores to start things off. Three teams hit the 50s, and we're not talking about Fish's Doo Wop show. Week 1 also is Round 1 of rivalry week, and much like the Steelers-Ravens, there were some mismatches in traditionally close matchups. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 1. NOTE: The Standings and What Might Have Been pages will be updated by Tuesday.
STARS OF WEEK 1
Tom Brady lit up the Dolphins for 500+ yards and, more importantly for JIT, 4 TDs in a Monday Night Massacre. He also aided the Swingers in their big grudge match win over the Blowsticks. Mike Tolbert used his bowling ball shape effectively to find the end zone 3 times in the Chargers and Yeah Dudes week 1 wins.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
After 16 years and 1 week, I've fully come to the realization that the best thing about fantasy football is the draft and specically the draft weekend in Vegas. For the draft, it's all anticipation leading up to the orgasm of the draft. That's why I love not having carry over players and a predetermined draft order. As it's been said, draft day is our own grown-up Christmas. Quite frankly, everything after it is not only a letdown, but not all that fun in general. Sweating your lineup every week, and getting irritated by injuries, and frustrated by matchups, this is part of it. The other part is the specter of my own perfectionism, which leads me to spend hours upon hours updating the web site, fixing errors, entering scores, etc. So it's really 95% work and 5% joy. Such is life I suppose. Is it bad I'm already looking forward to the end of the season, and better yet, next year's draft?

For those who didn't come to Vegas and may never come to Vegas, I hope you realize all my goading and chiding is not for the sake of the draft, but because it's our one pre-planned opportunity to get together and hang out. We're quite a few years away from being able to take random trips to other parts of the country, so it's draft weekend or nothing. We've maybe got a few weddings left, and after that it's funerals. Otherwise, Vegas. So I'll keep pushing.
DRAFT IN THE BOOKS
The 16th Annual JIT Draft is in the books. The Yeah Dudes grabbed the 1st overall selection for the second year in a row, and the Snatch got second. See all the draft fun here.
WEEK 1 APPROACHES
Week 1 is just a few days away, starting Thursday Sept 8 with the Saints at the Packers. As in past years, you'll need to get your lineup in prior to Thursday's kickoff if you've got a Saint or Packer in your starting lineup. Otherwise, just get it in prior to your player's kickoffs for the week. You can change as long as the two players you are exchanging haven't kicked off for the week. See the NFL and JIT Schedule links for more schedule information.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
Comments on the draft, after the conclusion and sobering up after Vegas: Bishko, you are seriously going to week 1 with these 3 WRs: Deion Branch, Santana Moss, A.J. Green? The good news is you've got 3 QBs. Destroyers, good luck with these RBs: Reggie Bush, Marshawn Lynch, Knowshon Moreno, Roy Helu. They're almost as bad as mine. Industries, I'd bet your TEs don't score 3 TDs combined for the year. Good thing you don't need a TE to win in JIT. Krazies, I hope one of your QBs works out. Hellraisers, hope you find 2 WRs that produce. Same thing for Goombas. Guess it runs in the family. Blowsticks - only 4 RBs? An off year? Snatch is one injury away from disaster (Vick). Yeah Dudes, all your RBs, WRs, and TEs are crapshoots. Good luck.

For those who didn't come to Vegas and may never come to Vegas, I hope you realize all my goading and chiding is not for the sake of the draft, but because it's our one pre-planned opportunity to get together and hang out. We're quite a few years away from being able to take random trips to other parts of the country, so it's draft weekend or nothing. We've maybe got a few weddings left, and after that it's funerals. Otherwise, Vegas. So I'll keep pushing.
COUNTDOWN TO 2011 JIT DRAFT:
Click here to enter the 2011 JIT Draft Room - Enter with Caution
If you're having problems with the auto-refreshing Available and Drafted portions of the draft room, you can see the Drafted here and the Available here.
Click here to see the 2011 JIT Draft Movie
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
Top 10 Lame "I Can't Come to Vegas" Excuses
10. It's not family friendly enough
9. It's too hot in August
8. I have a gambling problem
7. My dry cleaning won't be done
6. It's too loud there
5. I'm a teetotaler now
4. My wife/family won't let me
3. I've taken too many trips already this year
2. It's too expensive
1. I'm too busy with work


JIT YEAR END AWARDS
Who takes MVP honors and LVP dishonors? Great trades? Lucky teams? Find out all the winners and losers in the 2010 Year End Awards.
YEAR 15 CHAMPIONSHIP SHOOTOUT
Year 15 of JIT is in the books and another team has been added to the list of 2-time winners. Blowsticks dropped a 50-spot on the competition to take the trophy and more importantly the money. The Krazies took second place with 21 and the Snatch scored a whopping 12. These were 11 and 20 points below their season averages respectively. All Mr. Melvin and Mr. Mest can say to the rest of the league is sorry for the lack of resistance. Mr. Reeves, on the other hand, basked in the glory and enjoyed the Vaseline aided victory.
STARS OF THE CHAMPIONSHIP
Aaron Rodgers lit up the Giants for 4 TDs and outscored the Snatch by himself. Nick Folk added 10 points in a losing effort for the Jets. These 2 players alone scored enough to win the Championship for the Blowsticks.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
Congratulations to the Blowsticks on winning JIT 15, their second trophy. I know plenty of other owners are already ready for JIT 16 Vegas Draft. It remains the most important things. So keep this in mind, Mr. Reeves and others who don't find their way to Vegas: To paraphrase Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross, "And to answer you question, pal, why (do we go t)here? (We go t)here because (JIT) asked me to. The (Vegas crew) asked me for a favor. I said the real favor, follow my advice and fire (their) f***ing ass(es) because a loser is a loser."

Year end awards coming soon.
PLAYOFFS - YEAR 1 OF SHOOTOUT
Round 1 of the playoffs saw some fast and furious action, with all the teams vying for the coveted top 3 scoring performances that would put them in the championship. It came down to the Monday night game, with the Hoodlums coming a TD short of pushing the Krazies to the 4th slot. In the end, the Blowsticks, Krazies and Snatch move on to the Championship Shootout. For all the sordid results, click on the Playoffs page to see all the scores from Round 1.
STARS OF THE PLAYOFFS
Vincent Jackson arose from the ranks of the unknown to score 3 TDs for the Chargers and the Krazies and help them edge out the comers for the last Championship slot. Michael Vick blew up in the 4th quarter of the Giants game to throw for 3 and rush for 1 TD, his 18 points leading the Eagles and the Snatch to big wins.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
Good luck to all the Championship participants for JIT 15. Enter your lineups as usual and let the commish know of any issues. Don't forget to submit your overtime player via email.

For those interested, if everyone played everyone else every week, with the top scorer getting 11 wins, and so on down, here's how the season would have turned out:
1 Destroyers: 91-57-6 (10 quality weeks)
2 Blowsticks: 84-65-5 (7)
3 Snatch: 84-68-2 (8)
4 Krazies: 83-66-5 (8)
5 Industroes: 83-68-3 (9)
6 Stl Dudes: 82-69-3 (7)
7 Hellraisers: 78-72-4 (7)
8 Swingers: 77-72-5 (8)
9 Goombas: 69-81-4 (7)
10 Clubbers: 69-81-4 (7)
11 Boozers: 53-94-7 (4)
12 Hoodlums: 47-107 (1)


Totals: 900-900-48
WEEK 14 - END OF THE ROAD, PLAYOFF TIME
Week 14 wraps up the regular season for JIT 15 and leaves some contemplating playoff rosters and other wondering what might have been. The Blowsticks, Krazies, Hellraisers, Snatch, Hoodlums and Destroyers will shoot it out for 3 championship game slots. The rest? Well, there's always next season. For all the sordid results, click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 14.
STARS OF WEEK 14
Matt Schaub threw 3 TDs and a conversion, including a TD in the last minute, to help the Hoodlums edge the Boozers by 2 and ease their way into the playoffs. Jeff Reed arose from the ranks of the free agent pool to score 16 for the 49ers and the fortunate Krazies.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
Good luck to all the playoff participants with the new round 1 format this year. Remember, it's top 3 scorers for the week, not head-to-head. This can't be good news for the Hoodlums. Enter your lineups as usual and let the commish know of any issues. Week 15 = Playoffs.

My new motto for NFL 2010: ABP - Anyone But the Patriots. They leave such a distaste in my mouth that I can't describe.
WEEK 13 - ONE TO GO
Week 13 puts us within sight of the finish line, with 9 teams vying for 6 spots. Sorry Boozers, Swingers, and Industries, looks like you'll have time to start preparing your 2011 draft early this year. Yes folks, there really is only one week left in the regular season. Weren't we just in Vegas? For all the sordid results, click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 13.
STARS OF WEEK 13
Tom Brady dropped 4 TDs on the Jets and the Industries, to lead the Patriots and Hellraisers to big week 13 wins. Adrian Peterson awoke from his slumber to score 3 TDs for the Vikings and the Swingers in wins that are likely too little, too late.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
I can't remember a year where people have gotten screwed by weekly results more than this year. Things are starting to straighten out a little bit, but look at the total points versus the standings and some things just don't make sense. You figure the matchups would work out over the long haul, but it's uncanny how little they have this year. Well, if there's any justice the Hoodlums will be the first team to miss the playoffs with a winning record. Sorry Bishko...

Someone needs to do something other than point to the standings to convince me the Bucs, Chiefs and Bears are any good. I guess we'll see when playoff time rolls around.
WEEK 12 - RIVALRY WEEK, PART TWO
Week 12 gives us the second round of rivalries within the 3 conferences, with playoff pushes for some and none of the optimism of round one for others. The playoff race appears to be coming down to the wire with many still mathematically alive. For all the sordid results, click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 12.
STARS OF WEEK 12
Peyton Hillis, the other Peyton, continued his surprising season with 3 TDs in the Browns edging of the Pathers and the Clubbers waxing of the suddenly sterile Hoodlums. Well, maybe not suddenly... Matt Cassell also continued his surprising season with 4 TDs against the Seahawks, helping the Boozers continue their late season push, or least making them a spoiler.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
I'll keep it short this week. Did ESPN think before the season that Cardinals vs. 49ers would be a worthy Monday Football Game? I realize they have to hype it regardless, but is anyone buying this? I'd like to know how many people actually made it to the end of that game. There had to be something on Lifetime Movie Channel. The best line of the night came from Jon Gruden, who at the end of a long replay review and explanation by the referee, said "Can't they just make a call and move on? Some of us want to get home"...

Someone needs to do something other than point to the standings to convince me the Bucs, Chiefs and Bears are any good. I guess we'll see when playoff time rolls around.
WEEK 11 - END OF INTERCONFERENCE PLAY
Week 11 wraps up interconference play with some owners licking their chops, some sweating the details, and others ready for next year's draft. No matter what the outlook, next week starts Round 2 of Intraconference matchups, and rivalries will determine playoff entrance and positioning. For all the sordid results, click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 11.
STARS OF WEEK 11
Jon Kitna, yes Jon Kitna, ran for 1 and threw for 3 as the Cowboys and the Industries got off the schnide and got a W in a long season. Mid-season pickup Steve Johnson, yes that, uh, Steve Johnson (?) caught 3 TDs in big comeback wins for the Bills and the Snatch.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
We in America are obsessed with ranking everything, and ranking things long before they are even "rankable". Take all college sports rankings, or the Week 1 NFL power rankings. And so we rank players based on their statistics. Yet it seems so silly. Why should running backs, for example, be judged based on total yards, when the season was 14 games not that long ago, and may go to 18 in the near future. We talk about the greatness of a 2000 yard season, but the only one that happened in a 14 game season was our buddy O.J. So yards per game, or yards per carry would be better measures, but those aren't as simple or easy to talk to. And we haven't even gotten into rules changes that have devalued the running game. Or subjective things like Barry Sanders' offensive teammates versus Emmitt Smith's.
I'll stop before I bleed into the all time home run record and how baseball parks are not uniform in size...or will I...?
WEEK 10 - DOUBLE DIGIT WEEKS, END IS IN SIGHT
We've known for weeks that the results are rarely sensible or consistent, and week 10 proved no different. There were plenty of high scores, a lonely small one (Krazies), and another week in the books. To die, to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream, aye, there's the rub. Some are dying, some are asleep, and some can continue to dream. For all the sordid results, click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 10.
STARS OF WEEK 10
Michael Vick tied the all time one game record for QBs with 28 points in a MNF blowout, helping the Snatch end their losing streak. In the same MNF game, Keiland Williams scored 3 TDs in leading the Destroyers to the second highest score of the week.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
The NFL prides itself on parity - the notion that any team has a chance in a given year based on salary cap, revenue sharing, draft position, free agency and schedule. And it's the last thing that bothers me - the schedule. Sports is supposed to be about fairness and a level playing field - one of the only places where this exists in life. Yet the NFL insists on rewarding mediocrity and worse crappiness by creating an imbalanced schedule where the worst of the worst place the other worsts. And so you have teams that probably have no business in the playoff hunt eking out a decent record against their crappy brethren and finding themselves right in the mix. I suppose it all evens out in the end, but I have a hard time believing Tampa, Kansas City and Oakland are in the upper echelon of NFL teams, despite what their place in the standings shows.
Note: Since my diatribe from last week regarding helmet to helmet hits, Joe Paterno and Mike Ditka have come out and said that one way to curb such hits is going back to small facemasks, e.g. one bar (Paterno), or no helmets at all (Ditka).
WEEK 9 - WHAT THE HELL IS GOING OVER HERE
We've given up trying to figure out the luck of the Hoodlums, who continue to wallow at the bottom of the total points race, sits atop the win-loss standings and is in a close second in the overall standings. Luck be a lady indeed. (A lady doesn't wander all over the room, and blow on some other guy's dice.) For all the sordid results, click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 9.
STARS OF WEEK 9
Philip Rivers tossed for 4 TDs to a crew of castoffs in leading the Yeah Dudes to a narrow victory over the Industries. Terrell Owens continues to be a bright spot for the Bengals and the Blowsticks with 2 TDs in a loss to the Steelers but a win for the 'Sticks.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
The NFL prides itself on parity - the notion that any team has a chance in a given year based on salary cap, revenue sharing, draft position, free agency and schedule. And it's the last thing that bothers me - the schedule. Sports is supposed to be about fairness and a level playing field - one of the only places where this exists in life. Yet the NFL insists on rewarding mediocrity and worse crappiness by creating an imbalanced schedule where the worst of the worst place the other worsts. And so you have teams that probably have no business in the playoff hunt eking out a decent record against their crappy brethren and finding themselves right in the mix. I suppose it all evens out in the end, but I have a hard time believing Tampa, Kansas City and Oakland are in the upper echelon of NFL teams, despite what their place in the standings shows.
Note: Since my diatribe from last week regarding helmet to helmet hits, Joe Paterno and Mike Ditka have come out and said that one way to curb such hits is going back to small facemasks, e.g. one bar (Paterno), or no helmets at all (Ditka).
WEEK 8 - OVER THE MOUNTAIN
Either we're more than halfway to the playoffs, or we've got some owners who are about jump off of the mountain. The classic JIT scenario had the Industries topping the Snatch on MNF, where both teams scored more than any other team for the week. If it wasn't for bad luck, we've have no luck at all. (Paraphrased from Mush in "A Bronx Tale".) For all the sordid results, click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 8.
STARS OF WEEK 8
Calvin Johnson hauled in 3 TDs to aid the Industries in their breakout performance. Sebastian Janikowski scored 15 points for about the Hoodlums only offense in winning another improbable game and upping their record to a more improbable 6-2.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
The NFL prides itself on parity - the notion that any team has a chance in a given year based on salary cap, revenue sharing, draft position, free agency and schedule. And it's the last thing that bothers me - the schedule. Sports is supposed to be about fairness and a level playing field - one of the only places where this exists in life. Yet the NFL insists on rewarding mediocrity and worse crappiness by creating an imbalanced schedule where the worst of the worst place the other worsts. And so you have teams that probably have no business in the playoff hunt eking out a decent record against their crappy brethren and finding themselves right in the mix. I suppose it all evens out in the end, but I have a hard time believing Tampa, Kansas City and Oakland are in the upper echelon of NFL teams, despite what their place in the standings shows.
Note: Since my diatribe from last week regarding helmet to helmet hits, Joe Paterno and Mike Ditka have come out and said that one way to curb such hits is going back to small facemasks, e.g. one bar (Paterno), or no helmets at all (Ditka).
WEEK 7 - HOLY GUACAMOLE
We're halfway to the playoffs, believe it or not. And nothing is settled. Ten of the twelve teams are within a few points of a playoff spot, and a couple of good weeks for the other two would put them right in contention too. One thing's for certain, this has been one of the weirdest years to date that this write can remember. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 7.
STARS OF WEEK 7
Kenny Britt benefitted from his move from the Snatch to the Krazies, scoring 3 TDs in Week 7 in leading the latter to a big win over the rival Swingers. Eli Manning threw 4 TDs in a MNF laugher over the Cowboys, aiding the Goombas in their rise to the top of the standings.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
As a follow up to the helmet-to-helmet collision discussion over the past couple of weeks, it struck me this weekend that there's an obvious correlation between all the rules changes over the years to enable the passing game, like pass interference, illegal contact, and quarterback protection, and the rise in concern over the collisions. After all, how many teams now are run first? It seems to me that violent collisions are associated with the passing game - the receiver going over the middle, the tight end running in space. Not too many train wrecks in the 3 yards and a cloud of dust game. More like a rugby scrum. So it seems to me the NFL is missing this obvious correlation.
Or, they could let all the players play one week with no helmets - let's see how many of them come flying at another player headfirst with no helmet on. Might teach them how to play more safely.
WEEK 6 - WHAT THE EFF IS GOING ON
At this point all are totally convinced that this is Bizarro World and nothing will turn out as it should. The Goombas and Snatch are 7th and 8th in total points, respectively, yet sit atop the overall standings. The Industries are 5th in total points but make the Cowboys look successful with their 1-5 record. What to make of all this? Time will tell but JIT is as screwy as the NFL in 2010. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 6.
STARS OF WEEK 6
Arian Foster ran for another 2 TDs to help the Krazies top the Blowsticks and even their record at 3-3. Ryan Torian scored 2 TDs in his starting debut to aid the Goombas in their edging of the Destroyers.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
Bigger, faster, stronger. We hear these terms all the time, particularly when "now-ists" compare today's players with yester-years. But when you watch the highlights of this week's games, and see the players literally being laid out by helmet to helmet hits, you have to wonder when someone is going to be killed on the playing field. One might surmise that first someone will become a quadrapalegic. I would remind those of Mike Utley. The problem is that by attempting to curtail these types of collisions, you're essentially changing the nature of the game. At some point you might as well put flags on and take tackling out completely. The bottom line is that the sport "is what it is", and either you need to leave it as it is, with players signing something that gives the NFL immunity from litigation, or you need to completely change the nature of the game. At some point resolution to the issue will become reactive rather than proactive. And the reasons will not be good...
WEEK 5 - THE SCREWINESS CONTINUES
Here are things that are hard to figure out: The Hadley Hoodlums are 4-1 and next to last in total points. The Vandelay Industries are 1-4 and are 5th in total points. Something's got to give...doesn't it? Meanwhile, the league is still wide open as 10 of the 12 teams are one good week away from first place. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 5.
STARS OF WEEK 5
Tony Romo and Matt Forte each scored 12 points in helping the Destroyers over the Yeah Dudes. Hakeem Nicks continued his surprising season with 12 points and helping the Blowsticks to the current top spot in JIT.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
I cede my stage for this excerpt from the Philadelphia Daily News, October 8, 2010, from Paul Domowitch:

It can't happen, right? No way the NFL owners and players are dumb enough to kill their $8 billion-a-year golden goose. No way this insane game of chicken the two sides are playing is going to continue into next spring and summer and fall and threaten the 2011 season. Right?

Wrong, says one former league executive.

"I think there's going to be a work-stoppage," said Carl Peterson, who spent 19 years as the president and general manager of the Kansas City Chiefs before resigning in 2008. "For how long? I don't know. But I think there will be some regular-season games in 2011 that [won't be played].

"The question then becomes how deep into the season do you go before you have to say the season's over with? Is it 3 [weeks] or 6 or halfway? I don't know."

God save JIT...start saying your prayers now. We've got a sweet 16 party to plan...
WEEK 4 - WHAT TO THINK
The league is quickly turning into a free-for-all, much like the NFL itself. While there are a couple of very strong looking teams, like the Hellraisers, the records reflect uncanny parity. It's like things will sort themselves out in the long run, but for now it's like an Oktoberfest with free beer. Start the mad dash. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 4.
STARS OF WEEK 4
The Patriots Defense/Special Teams scored 3 TDs Monday night to lead the Swingers over the stunned Hellraisers. Aaron Rodgers and Dustin Keller lead a balanced attack for the Blowsticks in setting the new high game bar at 53.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
If you've seen any of the stories about the brain damage research being done on ex-NFL football players, you'll know that they age at 2 to 3 times the normal rate. And new research shows that the hundreds and thousands of small hits may be worse than the couple of big, concussive type hits. The point of all this is you have to wonder as more and more information comes out about these issues, will parents, particularly those of middle and upper class kids, purposely keep young kids out of football, fearing long term health problems. And if this happens, will football become the boxing of the coming generations - a niche sport played by the, well, let's say the opposite of the erudite. Remember - boxing used to be one of the three most popular sports in this country.
WEEK 3 KEEPS CONFUSING SOME
Most of the league continues to be confused at the success of the Hoodlums, and to a lesser extent, the Snatch. Fantasy Football continues to show that it's better to be lucky than good. Or it's the Defense. Or maybe we're all living in Bizarro World. On a positive note, the Hellraisers are bringing it through 3 weeks. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 3.
STARS OF WEEK 3
Mike Vick continued to shine in his backup turned starter role, with 3 throwing and 1 rushing TD to basically carry the Snatch. Austin Collie and Randy Moss each scored 2 TDs for the Hellraisers in carrying them to another big win.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
It's amazing how fine a line it is between success and failure in the NFL and in professional sports leagues in general. Take for instance, the 2010 Chicago Bears. They were given a win in Week 1 on a ridiculous interpretation of a rule, then surprised an overrated Cowboys team. Week 3, the Packers basically shoot themselves in the foot with about 100 penalties. And so a team that could easily be 0-3 is now 3-0. I guess in the end, reality sets in - see the 2006 Bears - but it's this fine line that can lead to a team going 8-8 and another getting home field all the way to the Super Bowl. And we haven't even gotten into the 2010 Kansas City Chiefs.
WEEK 2 CAUSES SOME TO BE BLUE
After 2 weeks, we can start drawing parallels to the NFL. The Hoodlums are the Buccanneers of JIT - the classic case of first in standings despite next to last in total points. The Industries and Boozers are the Cowboys and Vikings, respectively. And everyone else is mired in mediocrity. But there's plenty of weeks to resolve that. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 2.
STARS OF WEEK 2
Jahvid Best dashed to 3 TDs in a losing effort for the Lions but a winning effort, and current season high score, for the Hellraisers. LeSean McCoy also ran for 3 TDs in the same game in a winning effort for the Eagles and Clubbers. You can always count on a Lions game for some high scoring.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
The Fish Clubbers Glen Fisher had it right when he said that after the draft (Vegas), it's all downhill. Which led me to think about 2011, and the idea that there may be an NFL players lockout. If it's truly going to happen, can they not announce it until 5 minutes before the first game of the season? Because any time before that could be cause for pause whether or not to have the draft at all. And players lockout and canceled games aside, that would be the real tragedy. Viva la JIT Vegas Draft!!!
WEEK 1 IS IN THE BOOKS
The 15th annual JIT Season is underway, and if Week 1 is any indication, it could be hectic due the injurious nature of the sport. Starting RB Ryan Grant is out for the season, and starting QB Kevin Kolb is woozy after a concussion. And these are just FF players. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 1.
STARS OF WEEK 1
Arian Foster came out of almost nowhere to blow up for 3 TDs in his first NFL game, benefitting the Texans and the Krazies. Hakeem Nicks, one of the laughingstocks of draft day, had the last laugh for the Giants and the Blowsticks, scoring 3 TDs of his own. Unfortunately for the 'Sticks, it didn't lead to a win for them.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
FF thoughts of the week:
- Owners who sit on their computer just waiting to make a transaction really get on my nerves.
- One football game is enough, two is too many, and three is just excessive.
- When my team is winning, Joe Buck is funny. When it's losing, he's annoying as hell.
- There were a lot of games this weekend that weren't worth what it would cost to attend.
- Why I continue to follow the advice of the so-called expert FF prognosticators instead of my own instincts is beyond me.
- Week 1 of the NFL season, without fail, causes the biggest overreactions by fans.
15th ANNUAL JIT SEASON
The 15th annual JIT Season is fast approaching, highlighted by the draft in Las Vegas on August 28. The draft was yet another success, despite 4 MIA owners. Those who were there enjoyed a festive atomosphere, highlighted (lowlighted?) by Tim Bishko walking to the window in robe and slippers after each of his picks to look at Tao Beach bumpin' from 34 stories up.
TOP 10 JIT VEGAS QUOTES
10. "Whew. Thank goodness for Gold Bond." - Greg Mest, about 2 hours into the draft.
9. "And...bring us a shitton of mac 'n' cheese." - Chad Buzzard, ordering for the table at Del Frisco's.
8. "And for my SECOND quarterback..." - Edgar Melvin, ensuring the other owners were clear on the fact that Alex Smith was NOT his starting QB.
7. "Hang on, let me scroll down to find that one...still scrolling..." - Various Owners, after a pick wasn't quite the next one on their depth chart.
6. "Wow, my team is seriously stacked." - John Farro, after rounds 5 and 6. Not so sure others agreed.
5. "Does Del Frisco's let you bring your own wine?" - John Farro, still in a recession.
4. "Hey Tim, you got the hundred you owe me?" - Greg Mest, 58 times after lending Bishko $100 on Friday morning.
3. "Seriously, I am battling back tonight." - Bishko, too many times to count.
2. "But we should've done more! We should have done more." - Chad Buzzard, somehow thinking Dice was going to come meet us simply because we wore Dice t-shirts to the show.
1. "No one drafts for the Krazies but the Krazies!" - Edgar Melvin, expressing his sentiment about the mandatory draft.
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
As I'm sitting here typing the top 10 quote list from this year's Vegas trip, it becomes even clearer than before that the real reason for doing Fantasy Football is the Vegas trip. Sure, the season is fun, and winning is great, but nothing beats 3-4 days of escape from the world. Which for many of us includes escape from the kids too. Personally, my kids are great and I shouldn't complain about my day-to-day life, but there really isn't anything better than a long weekend of drinking, pool time, good food and lots of laughs at our own and other's expense. Viva Las Vegas and Viva JIT. On to the season...
15th ANNUAL JIT SEASON
The 15th annual JIT Season is fast approaching, highlighted by the draft in Las Vegas on August 28. This year's draft is mandatory attendence, meaning a higher than usual idiocy quotient. As usual, several owners will be home sniffing their ball sweat on draft day; this year they can't even keep one hand on a computer mouse for consolation.
WHAT TO WATCH IN 2010 The Snatch eked out a 2nd Championship in 2009 and look to defend. Meanwhile, long-timers the Clubbers and the Swingers hope to break through for that elusive first championship. Relative old-time newcomer Industries join them as the only non-champions in the league ranks. In the case of FF, hope "falls" eternal .
FROM THE DESK OF THE COMMISSIONER:
I defer my time this week for some words that are especially poignant, given the circumstances surrounding this year's draft. From Will Leitch in The Sporting News: "It's fantasy football time! Here's something sad: Other than for a league I joined last year through my association with this magazine, I haven't been to a fantasy football draft, in person, with my friends, in about a decade. The Internet has given us great things, some of which I can't mention in a family magazine, but it has taken away the art of making fun of friend's bad draft choices to their faces, drinking beer and wearing a jersey that doesn't fit. Shame." Well said.
2009
14th JIT CHAMPIONSHIP
In a struggle that was far from epic, but was nailbiting up till the bitter end. CA Snatch withstood a late Lauderdale Hellraiser rally to claim their 2nd JIT Championship. The Hellraisers used a late Sidney Rice TD on MNF to pull even with the Kameron Krazies, and took 2nd place on the OT player tiebreaker. The final is 32-27-27, with the OT 8-6 in favor of the Hellraisers.
STARS OF THE CHAMPIONSHIP Not much to choose from here, but we'll go with Philip Rivers and David Akers of the CA Snatch, who gave them 20 of their 32 winning total. Bottom line is that there were no standout performers for any team in the championship, making it a close game but leaving the highlight reel a bit short on film.
PLAYOFFS - ROUND 1 OF 1
The Playoffs once again prove it is better to be lucky than good, and fortune favors the lucky. Despite leaving 25 points on the bench, top seed CA Snatch topped the listless Boozers. The luck ran out for the 2nd seeded Fish Clubbers, falling to the high flying Hellraisers. In the closest game of the week, the Swingers left 18 on the bench and fell to the Kameron Krazies by 1. The Snatch, Hellraisers and Krazies will shoot it out for the 14th JIT Championship.
STARS OF THE PLAYOFFS Aaron Rodgers put up 19 points in a shootout loss to the Steelers, but helped the Hellraisers dominate their game. Maurice Jones Drew dropped 2 TDs on the Colts, aiding the Snatch in their easy win.
WEEK 14 - PLAYOFFS MATCHUPS SET
Well, one of the wackiest regular JIT seasons in memory has wrapped up and the playoff matchups are set. The final place in the tournament wasn't decided until the MNF game was over, the total point race wound up in a tie, and the high game was won by a single point. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 13.
STARS OF WEEK 14 The Hellraisers sported a couple of 3 TD performances to not only solidify their placeoff spot, but to swing up to the top point spot. Chris Johnson and Dallas Clark each hung an 18 spot for said Hellraisers.
WEEK 13 - LUCKY ... FOR SOME
Hard to believe, but there's only one week left in the regular season. The playoffs are coming on like an 18-wheeler in a tunnel. In the meantime, we had lucky week 13 to play and help sort out the sordid playoff picture. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 13.
STARS OF WEEK 13 There are no stars of the week. Instead, at the risk of jinxing, we're going to call out Fish Clubbers. Is this their year? Holy cow, has a team ever been last in total points but tied for first in record? Mr. Fish is going to waltz into the playoffs on a wave of good fortune. Good luck Mr. Fish, maybe this is your year.
WEEK 12 - RIVALRIES PART 2
It's crowded at the top. The top 8 teams continue to jostle for space at the top of the standings, trying to cement their playoff status and seed. Meanwhile, rivalries are renewed in this fracas, resulting in added tension and drama. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 12.
STARS OF WEEK 12
Drew Brees tossed 5 TDs against the overrated Patriots to lead Saints to a affirming win and the Krazies over the angry Industries. In the same NFL game, Lawrence Maroney scored the only 2 Patriots TDs on the ground, lifting the Swingers over Blowsticks and the grounded Tom Brady.
WEEK 11 - END OF INTERCONFERENCE PLAY
We're already at the end of interconference play and ready to begin the second round of rivalry games, leading up to the playoffs. Who will rise and who will fall? The next three weeks will tell. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 11.
STARS OF WEEK 11
Ricky "Toke" Williams went for 3 TDs in replacing the injured Ronnie Brown, leading his Dolphins and Hellraisers to week 11 wins. Carson Palmer flashed his quicks in rushing for 2 TDs, albeit in a loss to the sack Raiders. He did contribute to a key win for the Clubbers though.
WEEK 10 - 'T' IS FOR TEN AND TIE
It took us ten weeks, but we have our first (yawn) tie of the year. The Destroyers and Industries battled like the Lions and Rams in a "defensive" struggle to a 13-13 deadlock. Luckily for us there were plenty of other good games to keep us awake. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 10.
STARS OF WEEK 10
Peyton Manning continued his outstanding season with 4 TDs in a win over the Patriots. Unfortunately, for JIT owner Tom Ambrosio it only meant a closer game against the Yeah Dudes. The latter rode 2 long early Brandon Marshall TDs to a victory against the Goombas, prompting said Ambrosio to replicate the Bud Adams move.
WEEK 9 - WOULDN'T IT BE FINE?
We've got 5 games to play in the regular season, although regular is a misnomer in this league. There's a load of teams that still have a crack at the top spot, the high season, and each week folks keep approaching the high game. Keep hope alive (Except Yeah Dudes). Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 9.
STARS OF WEEK 9
Kurt Warner followed up a 5 pick week with 5 TDs in a rout of the Bears. Greg Olson scored 3 TDs in the same game in the losing effort. However, both added to the Boozers total in his rout of the forlorn Swingers. Owner Aaron Smith looked like this at the result.
WEEK 8 - AIN'T FANTASY GREAT?!?
This is why we play the games. We're halfway to the championship game, believe it or not, and there's still plenty of room for shuffling in the playoff picture. Even the bottom feeders are only a couple of good wins away from getting themselves back in the race. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 8.
STARS OF WEEK 8
Brett Favre threw for 4 TDs in leading the Vikings and the Swingers to week 8 victories. Bittersweet I'm sure for the Swingers. Mark Sanchez threw for 2 and ran for 1, albeit in a loss to the Dolphins, but in a win for the Blowsticks over the Boozers. Rest easy Boozers - you're a new daddy.
WEEK 7 - THE CREAM RISES
Things are ironing themselves out a bit, although we're still in a wrinkled shirt situation. How long will it take to separate the cream from the spoiled milk? Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 7.
STARS OF WEEK 7
Carson Palmer dropped 5 TDs on the Bears Defense, aiding the Clubbers, actually nearly single handedly leading them over the frustrated Yeah Dudes. Meanwhile there's been a Ricky Williams sighting as he goes for 3 TDs in a loss for the Dolphins but a win for the Hellraisers. Must have been some weed(s) growing in the end zone...
WEEK 6 - PARITY REIGNS. OR IS IT PARODY?
After 6 weeks it seems there is no dominant team in JIT 2009. No one leaving too much pine time, and lots of good per game averages. The good news is that no one is out of it, so quit your whining Hellraisers and Yeah Dudes. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 6.
STARS OF WEEK 6
Tom Brady went nuts in the snow against the first to worst Tennessee Titans (misnomer), throwing for 6 TDs. Unfortunately, they didn't help the Blowsticks overcome the Krazies' balanced attack. Maurice Jones-Drew dropped 3 TDs for the second time this year, helping the Snatch get back on track against the chagrinned Clubbers.
WEEK 5 - THINGS ARE GETTING WEIRD
Week 5 starts the spate of strange trends and occurences: Snatch score 2; Yeah Dudes "giving up" 40 a game; Swingers only 16.8; Clubbers 4-1 yet next to last in points; Goombas scoring and giving up the exact same amount. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 5.
STARS OF WEEK 5
Michael Turner went to the west coast and dropped 3 TDs on the 49ers, leading the Falcons and Destroyers to big wins. Matt Ryan in the same game threw for 2 and ran for 1, helping the Hoodlums edge the Krazies on a big weekend nonetheless for the latter.
WEEK 4 - INTERCONFERENCE MATCHUPS BEGIN
Week 4 begins interconference games, time to start new rivalries and initiate new smack. Which conference will rise as king? Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 4.
STARS OF WEEK 4
Pick up of the week, and maybe the year, the 49ers Defense / Special Teams was a boondoggle to the Swingers, going for 3 TDs in a win over the the Rams and a 4-0 record for the Swingers. Jay Cutler threw for 2 TDs and ran for another over the hapless Lions' D, leading the Bears to their third win and the Industries to their first (despite leaving 30 - 30! - points on the bench.
WEEK 3 - TRENDS SETTING IN
Week 3 finishes round 1 of divisional games with some owners grinning at there success and other scratching their heads at what's going on. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 3.
STARS OF WEEK 3
Maurice Jones Drew tries to justify his #2 draft pick with 3 TDs in a win over Houston and contributed to the CA Snatch's big win over the Blowsticks. Peyton Manning continued his Hall of Fame career with 4 TDs in a win over the Cardinals, helping the Goombas edge the confused Industries.
WEEK 2 - SETTLE IN FOR THE LONG HAUL
Week 2 continues divisional games with intriguing matchups and the start of angry owners struggling to understand what's going on. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 2.
STARS OF WEEK 2
Chris Johnson ran all over the Texans in a losing effort, but provided the winning margin for the Hellraisers over the Industries. The latter are struggling to match their 2008 record, if not their form. Carson Palmer matched Johnson's 18 points in upsetting the Packers in Green Bay, leading the Clubbers over the Boozers to get their season on track.
WEEK 1 IN THE BOOKS
JIT Year 14 kicks off with usual slate of divisional rivalry games - Hoodlums v Clubbers, Swingers v Blowsticks, Hellraisers - Goombas. Click on the Weekly Results page to see all the scores from Week 1.
STARS OF WEEK 1
Drew Brees lit up the lightable Lions for 6 - count 'em, 6 - TDs for the happy Krazies to gain player of the week status. Meanwhile, free agent TEs John Carlson and Benjamin Watson each went for 2 TDs, leading to speculation that each will be picked up by a desparate owner.
YEAR 14 IS UPON US
JIT Year 14 is set to kickoff with the annual draft, taking place in Las Vegas for the 8th consecutive year. This year, the action shifts from the old faithful Mirage to the Bellagio. Hopefully the Mirage will get their suites updated prior to year 15. It's going to be a big one. The action kicks off at 3PM PDT on August 29.
REMEMBER 2008?
Blowsticks are poised to defend their 2008 title but many are gunning for their position. Long time leaguers Clubbers and Swingers seek their first ever JIT titles, while Hellraisers and Krazies seek to claim what they believe is rightfully theirs.
Remember that the NFL Season kicks off late this year - Sept 10.
2008
YEAR 13 IS IN THE BOOKS
Congrats to the Blowsticks, who capture their first JIT Championship with a 50-35-21 shootout win over the 2nd place Krazies and the 3rd place Boozers. Brandon Jacobs' return to the Giants was a bellweather for the Blowsticks, as his 3 TDs lead the way. The Krazies gave chase but could never catch up, and the Boozers lagged behind the whole weekend. Such are the trevails of fantasy football.
AWARDS, SEE YOU NEXT YEAR
Check out the 2008 Year End Awards here, and form your own opinions. Start saving your pennies for JIT 14 Draft in Vegas, where men are men and whores are expensive.
PLAYOFF MADNESS
Despite Judge Smails pronunciations otherwise, it was not a good time to be odd. The even seeds won all three games of the 2008 JIT Playoffs, the biggest surprise coming from the top seeded Industries laying an egg against the Boozers. The Blowsticks held serve against the Hellraisers, while the week's best game was the Krazies holding on for a 2 point victory over the Snatch. Of course all of this is a result of skill.
CHAMPIONSHIP SHOOTOUT
This week the playoff winners will square off in a 3-team shootout for the top prize in JIT Year 13. The Krazies and Boozers look to add to their trophy cases, while the Blowsticks look to crack the championship ranks for the first time in their 10 year history.
SEASON WRAP-UP, PLAYOFFS STARTING
Well, the book on the season is closed and the playoff matchups are set. In the closest playoff positioning, Boozers jumped into the final playoff spot with 2 Antonio Bryant MNF TDs, breaking the pacemakered heart of Fish Clubbers' Glen Fisher.
PLAYOFFS - EARLY LINEUPS
Week 15 has a Thursday night game on the NFL Network. Rosters are due prior to that game's kickoff.
Weekly Enter Lineup "due time" has been set to Sunday at 1:00pm EST. For those with players on Chicago or New Orleans, you are required to enter those players you wish to play prior to kickoff Thursday night. Additionally, Overtime Player via is due email. Any position is eligible except for Kicker. This will only be used to settle a tie.
AND NOW THE END IS NEAR
Week 14 - final week of the regular season. Hard to believe, time flies when you're having fun and sweating over fantasy lineups.
Moral of the story? Don't be like Swamy - play out the string, give it the ol' college try. For those already in - playoff positions are still on the line.
WEEK 14 - EARLY LINEUPS, PLAYOFF SCENARIOS
Week 12 has a Thursday night game on the NFL Network. Rosters are due prior to that game's kickoff.
Industries, Snatch, Krazies, Blowsticks are in.
Hellraisers, Boozers, Clubbers, Goombas fighting for 2 spots.
Swingers, Destroyers, Yeah Dudes, Hoodlums - polish the golf clubs for week 15 (playoffs).
GIVING THANKS
Clubbers thankful for 11 x 7 = $150.
Blowsticks thankful for starting lineup.
Krazies thankful for assiduous acumen. Or just being a player.
Industries thankful to be back in the league.
Everyone happy to have Hoodlums on the schedule.
WEEK 13 - EARLY LINEUPS, TURKEY DAY STYLE
Week 13 sees three Thursday games for the celebration of the Thanksgiving holiday. Rosters are due prior to the first game's kickoff.
Enjoy your yearly Detroit Lions feast, aka the real Hoodlums.
ROUNDING OUT THE SEASON
Blowsticks looking like team to beat... Most teams struggle to score, bench points rising... No one wants to win the JAFC, or make the playoffs...? 2008 may set records for least (Blowsticks) and most (Snatch, Boozers) bench points.
WEEK 12 - EARLY LINEUPS, RIVALRIES
Week 12 has a Thursday night game on the NFL Network. Rosters are due prior to that game's kickoff. Division rivalries reheat in Week 12.
WORDS OF WISDOM
I would say you should be able to change a player in/out of the lineup up until 15 minutes before his game. not that it matters because my team can't even beat bishkos...
I hate change.
We aren't playing for peanuts! There is some real $$ on the line (for some of us)...
go f yourself.....i say anyone with only 1 win shldn't have a say in what goes on...
WEEK 11 MEANS EARLY LINEUPS
Week 11 has a Thursday night game on the NFL Network. Rosters are due prior to that game's kickoff. So the boys will have to be on the ball...so to speak.
WE WERE THE CHAMPIONS...
Where did we go wrong? Yeah Dudes search for answers to lost season after dropping below even the Hoodums in the standings. One theory: average age of RB drafted. Another theory: Nick Folk with the 64th pick.
WEEK 10 MEANS EARLY LINEUPS
Keep in mind Week 10 starts the (bogus) Thursday night games on the NFL Network. Rosters are due prior to that game's kickoff. So the boys will have to be on the ball...so to speak.
HALFWAY DONE...
We know the contenders (Industries, Snatch), we know the pretenders (Hoodlums, Yeah Dudes), but how will the rest sort themselves out? Second half of the season to tell us.
(Krazies pissed right now, looking at transactions.)
WEEK 8 MATCHUP OF POWERS
Industries tangle with Snatch in league power struggle, winner will have edge in first JIT BS poll. ('C' left out intentionally)
AND THEN THERE WAS ONE
Boozers toppled by Hellraisers to fall from ranks of unbeaten, but Industries nip Swingers to go to 6-0.
(Mercury Morris will keep the champagne on ice for another week.)
JIT LEAGUE MOURNS LOSS OF REGGIE DUNLOP, THE COACH:
McGrath: Are you nuts? A bounty? ... You can't put a bounty on a man's head.
Reggie Dunlop: Bullshit. I just did.

Reggie Dunlop: Goddamn lard-ass Barkley Donaldson, I'm tellin' you he jumped us!
Reggie Dunlop: Gloves off, stick down, no warning, he challenged the Chiefs!
Steve Hanson: Called us names!
Reggie Dunlop: Called us names! But Dave was there.

AND WE'RE DOWN TO TWO
Boozers run off Snatch to go to 5-0.
Industries edge out Clubbers to match the perfect record.
(Mercury Morris will keep the champagne on ice for another week.)
JIT LEAGUE MOURNS LOSS OF REGGIE DUNLOP, THE COACH:
McGrath: Are you nuts? A bounty? ... You can't put a bounty on a man's head.
Reggie Dunlop: Bullshit. I just did.

Reggie Dunlop: Goddamn lard-ass Barkley Donaldson, I'm tellin' you he jumped us!
Reggie Dunlop: Gloves off, stick down, no warning, he challenged the Chiefs!
Steve Hanson: Called us names!
Reggie Dunlop: Called us names! But Dave was there.

THINGS SHAPING UP TO HAVES & HAVE NOTS:
Boozers, Industries, Snatch 4-0... Hoodlums, Yeah Dudes 0-4
(Have you seen the Vegas photos? Maybe a correlation?)
(Buzzard - still care to complain about your draft?)
JIT LEAGUE MOURNS LOSS OF REGGIE DUNLOP, THE COACH:
McGrath: Are you nuts? A bounty? ... You can't put a bounty on a man's head.
Reggie Dunlop: Bullshit. I just did.

Reggie Dunlop: Goddamn lard-ass Barkley Donaldson, I'm tellin' you he jumped us!
Reggie Dunlop: Gloves off, stick down, no warning, he challenged the Chiefs!
Steve Hanson: Called us names!
Reggie Dunlop: Called us names! But Dave was there.

INTRACONFERENCE MATCHUPS DONE:
Lucky MFer to date: Buzzard's Boozers ... 7th in total points, 3rd in overall standings
Unlucky MFer to date: Blowsticks ... 4th in total points, 8th in overall standings
INTERCONFERENCE MATCHUPS BEGIN:
Winless Hoodlums seek to right ship against top dog Industries
Champ Yeah Dudes look to get off the schnide against lucky Boozers
Blowsticks looking to get to .500 against Brady-less Goombas
... And more ...
JIT TAKES STRONG STANDS:
The JIT League office has determined it will not recognize the new legal name of the receiver formerly known as Chad Johnson. In JIT, he still be Chad Johnson.
JIT also does not recognize the Denver Bronco's win over the San Diego Chargers due to a erroneous call so egregious as to be deemed unacceptable. The official League office position is that the final minute of the game should be replayed with the Chargers with the ball on their own 11 yard line, where replay showed it should be.
Finally, JIT still recognizes the Hadley Hoodlums as an actual FF team, despite rumors to the contrary.
THEY'RE FALLING LIKE FLIES:
Tom Brady: Out for the Season (#2 overall pick)
Nate Burleson: Out for the Season
Vince Young: Out for ???
Marion Barber: Bruised Ribs
Drew Bennett: Out at least a Month
RIVALRY WEEK:
Hoodlums' Bishko claims BS
Krazies' Melvin wonders who is this Vandelay guy?
Italians throw meatballs at each other, not bombs
Swingers take Round 1 against Blowsticks

2005 NEWS ARCHIVES

  2005 Week:   Draft· 1· 2· 3· 4· 5· 6· 7· 8· 9· 10· 11· 12· 13· 14· Playoffs· Championship· Review

  2005 AWARDS
CHAMPION - DCStL Yeah Dudes. Owner Gabe Glasscock drafted strong throughout, stockpiling RBs and getting breakout years from players like Steve Smith to be a frontrunner from beginning to end. Also helped greatly by a record- setting TD year from Shaun Alexander, who has become the new Priest Holmes. There is a light at the end of the JIT tunnel for this former JIT cynic.
MVP - Shaun Alexander, RB, DCStL Yeah Dudes. Record-setting 28 rushing TDs for the 4th overall pick in the draft. Was the workhorse for the Champion Yeah Dudes all season, who also wound up leading the league in points.
LVP - Wow. I'm just going to list some 1st round draft picks: #6 Daunte Culpepper (Destroyers), #7 Willis McGahee (Swingers), #8 Randy Moss (Clubbers), #9 Terrell Owens (Blowsticks), #10 Jamal Lewis (Hoodlums), #11 Donovan McNabb (Snatch), #12 Deuce McAllister (Browns). Eliminating those who were injured from contention, we'll call it a tie between Messers Moss and Lewis. A combined 10 TDs between the 2.
TFWCT (Team the Fates Were Cruelest Towards) - Another tough call. Not too many teams were completely screwed by their schedule or their points left on the bench as the 'What might have been' page attests. We'll call this one the Blowsticks, whose first 2 picks were Terrell Owens and Ahman Green, whose seasons ended prematurely for various reason. He then picked up Daunte Culpepper the week he lost for the season. Of course his 3rd and 4th picks were Jerome Bettis and Todd Heap. That's not cruel fate, that's hard stupidity.
LT (Luckiest Team) - CA Snatch. Despite not making the playoffs, they were in it until the final week and would have made it if not for an untimely benching of WR Lee Evans. Nevertheless, too many 15-12 games and a practice squadesque lineup warrant this award.
LLGP (Least Likely Good Pickup) - Mark Brunell, QB, Fish Clubbers. Picked up for the measly sum of Trent Dilfer. A player whose career for all intents and purposes was washed up, he wound up 9th in total QB points.
BLRDP (Best Late Round Draft Pick) - Eli Manning, QB, Delaware Destroyers. 11th round draft pick benefited from a good team around him and good play to finish sixth for all QB points.
BT (Best Trade) - Joey Galloway for Daunte Culpepper, CA Snatch. As mentioned before, Culpepper turned around the same week and promptly blew out his knee like Swamy in a 30+ year old pickup football game. Galloway wound up in the top 10 in WR points and kept the Snatch viable for a long time.
WT (Worst Trade) - Reverse the best transaction for the Blowsticks. Maybe it's not the fates.
MAWUTTF (Might As Well Use the Transactions, They're Free) - Always love a good TE exchange, especially when both are completely useless. Using that logic, we'll go with Doug Jolley, TE, NYJ for Erron Kinney, TE, TEN - Aventura Hellraisers. The presses definitely stopped for this one.
DYN (not Did You Know, rather Did You Notice?) - The teams making the playoffs drafted #1, #2, #3, #4, #5 and #7. And #6 wound up close and would have made it in the what might have been scenario. Think draft position matters???

See you in Vegas for the 11th Annual JIT Draft Extravaganza! Book your hookers now!!!

EARLY ODDS TO WIN 2006 JIT CHAMPIONSHIP:
Florida Fisters 4-1
DCStL Yeah Dudes 4-1
Kameron Krazies 5-1
Sammy's Swingers 6-1
Aventura Hellraisers 7-1
Delaware Destroyers 9-1
CA Snatch 10-1
Buzzard's Boozers 10-1
Baylick Browns 12-1
Fish Clubbers 15-1
Blowsticks 18-1
Hadley Hoodlums 100-1

EARLY ODDS TO SHOW UP FOR 2006 JIT VEGAS DRAFT:
Florida Fisters 25-1
DCStL Yeah Dudes 2-1
Kameron Krazies 5-1
Sammy's Swingers 5-1
Aventura Hellraisers 15-1
Delaware Destroyers 3-1
CA Snatch off the board
Buzzard's Boozers 1.5-1
Baylick Browns 20-1
Fish Clubbers 3-1
Blowsticks 18-1
Hadley Hoodlums 2-1


Championship

DCStL Yeah Dudes 41
Sammy's Swingers 19 (OT: 10)
Florida Fisters 19 (OT: 8)

Congratulations to the 2005 JIT League Champions, the DCStL Yeah Dudes. Clearly the most cumbersome name to win the trophy, at least since Ambrosio's A Dehilis. Pimpin The Yeah Dudes used three Shaun Alexander TDs in route an easy win in the final tilt. The #1 overall seed lived up to their billing; coincidentally Mr Alexander also scored three TDs to lead the CA Snatch to the 2004 championship. Coincidence or karma? One does not know. One one does know is that they led to 41 total points and the easy 'W', despite leaving Santana Moss' equaling of Mr Alexander's three TDs on the proverbial pine. I've gotta big Johnson Sammy's Swingers put on an early push with two Larry Johnson TDs, but couldn't sustain the momentum and only got 7 additional points in putting up 19 total. One err in judgment was the starting of former Iowa kicker Nate Kaeding, who only managed one point in the effort. Though the gameday atmosphere may be unparalleled, the performance certainly is not. The Swingers did manage to take second place using their overtime player, Kelly Holcomb, in the first championship tie of any kind in league history. They tied with Mikey will eat anything Florida Fisters, who got TDs out of Jake Plummer and Mike Anderson in the Denver game but little else to sustain to effort in coming in 3rd place, also with 19 points, but losing the tiebreaker 10-8. Ultimately, precious little out of their skill players did the Fisters in, who in the end were happy to be in the money for the third straight year. They are nothing else if not consistent. Or just lucky to get the right draft pick.

Stay Tuned for 2005 Reviews and Awards - there's sure to be some feelings hurt and egos bruised again this year! We'll also see everyone's favorite - "What Might Have Been".



Playoffs

We're in the money! The Playoffs results are in and the Championship for 2005 is set. The top seeded DCStL Yeah Dudes lived up to their billing, if not their name, in beating the hot but apparently not sizzling Buzzard's Boozers 47-27. While the Boozers were game, in the end the Yeah Dudes simply had too much firepower. Steve Smith scored 2 TDs in leading the balanced attack and leaving no points Mr Smith goes to DCStL on the bench, always important but especially so during the playoffs. The Boozers took an early lead on Tom Brady's 3 TDs, but 2 Drew Bennett TDs left on the bench and a barrage of Yeah Dude TDs eventually did them in. Still, a strong showing for Year 1 of the Boozer history. "We did some good things this year, but we're looking for bigger things in Year 2. No sophomore slump for us," said Buzzards' owner Chad Buzzard as he passed out the team bonus of Jack Daniels and crack vials. Inspiration indeed. Yeah Dudes' owner Gabe Glasscock commiserated with Mr. Buzzard: "It took a few years of building, but now we've got this thing figured out. Much like the Bengals." The Yeah Dudes will be shooting it out with Sammy's Swingers, who eked out a hard fought 33-31 victory over the 2nd seeded Aventura Hellraisers, keeping them out of the money. The Swingers' late season surge has not surprising coincided with the emergence of Larry Johnson, who I've gotta big Johnson scored again with 2 TDs for said Swingers. The victory would have been much more decisive expect for 9 Nate Kaeding points left on the bench. Should not an Iowa boy know better? Former Hawkeye players are unparalleled. A win nonetheless. Owner Aaron Smith was typically elated, scrawling "Swingers Rule" on Christmas cards and finally tossing his Erick Rhett voodoo doll. Hellraisers' owner Chris Ambrosio was forlorn in defeat, rueing the sitting of kicker Ryan Longwell in favor of the polish bazooka Sebastion Janikowski, who went for all of one point. "Damn pollock," said the ever sensitive Mr Ambrosio. "At least my team looks good losing. And they are hung like a mexican donkey in a cheap underground porno." We'll take your word on that. The third player in the championship shootout is the Florida Fisters, who look to avenge last year's disappointment with a victory in '05. The Fisters used 2 Mike Anderson TDs to a relatively easy 32-22 victory over the Mikey will eat anything Kameron Krazies, who claimed foul play, discrimination and tarnation in their playoff loss. In reality, no points out of your QB and RB positions usually add up to an L and a position on the sidelines watching. "Brutha could not get a witness," said the dejected Krazies' owner Edgar Melvin. Being that the witness' name is Flavor Flav, I'll allow the testimony! Winning owner Tom Ambrosio was subdued in victory, saying, "They're animals anyway, so let them lose their souls." Little else was heard from the darkened office while Mr Ambrosio stroked his precious cat. After losing last years' Championship as a prohibitive favorite, one can only imagine what he has in mind for the winner this year should his team fall.

Only 5 shopping days until JIT Year 10 Championship. Stay tuned for the exciting shootout matchup:

Seed 1: DCStL Yeah Dudes
vs
Seed 5: Sammy's Swingers
vs
Seed 4: Florida Fisters



Week 14 Review

It's Year 10, another banner year, and the playoffs are set! We'll get to the finalists and the seedings in a bit, but first the weekly results. Aventura Hellraisers continued their master of the league with a 26-16 victory over Hadley Hoodlums. The wins haven't always pretty, but they have been plentiful for the Hellraisers. "Hey, I might not be Fabio, but the chicks dig me and that's what matters," says owner Chris Ambrosio. Hoodlums' owner Tim Bishko filed a grievance against the league, saying he thought it was a golf league and he was supposed to score the least. Apparently he's thought that for 9 years. Late Rental? Meanwhile, in the barnburner blockbuster shootout of the week, Florida Fisters edged Fish Clubbers 15-13 in the final ignominy of the season for the latter. "I second the notion introduced by my less good-looking brother," said Fisters' leader Tom Ambrosio. "Just win baby, ugly or otherwise." Clubbers' owner still has good seats available for his 6 remaining ticketholders. Right on top of the action. In the last bit of irony and lunacy for this season, the Kameron Krazies and Baylick Browns battled to a 27-27 tie, the 3rd tie of the season. While it ultimately affects neithers standing int he standings, each felt let down by an unsatisfactory end to the season. "Homey don't play dat (ties). Can I get 1 rib? How much for one rib?", said Krazies' owner Edgar Melvin, while Browns' owner Piccolo Swamy sprinkled some curry on his balls and danced a jig for luck next season. Another of the great rivalry games saw Sammy's Swingers top Blowsticks 33-14. Seems that the Swingers are finally turning things around against their old nemesis. Owner Aaron Smith attributed the change in fortune to the demon exercising ritual he performed on his high school helmet, along with moving it 1000 miles from antagonistic owner Mike Reeves. Mr Reeves, when reached for comment, only said, "We're on the recruiting trail and building for a banner year in 2008. We're trying to build a winning tradition here. You're not going to tell me how to run our team right now." Yeah Dude Buzzard's Boozers completed their ascent to respectability with a 30-16 dubbing of the hapless CA Snatch. Rookie owner Chad Buzzard revelled in the late season climb, saying, "You pricks laughed at my draft, now I laugh at your daft seasons." He didn't really say that, I'm feeling Seussian. CA Snatch owner Greg Mest began creating his Lee Evans room, much like that prick in Ace Ventura did for Dan Marino. It's a short trip from greatness to madness and maddeningness, just ask the Eagles. Finally, the DCStL Yeah Dudes had no problems with Delaware Destroyers, 39-13. Losing owner John Farro was so caught up in Cowboy fever he barely noticed the loss, saying he was going to parlay his JIT losses into a Cowboy / Florida Atlantic Owls double win in the lovely Tropicana Sports Book and Poker Room. Yeah Dudes' owner Gabe Glasscock in the meantime, took out a loan against his assumed future winnings to pay for some "paraphenalia" and a name change application.

Without further ado, here are the Playoff seedings and matchups for JIT Year 10:

Seed 1: DCStL Yeah Dudes
vs
Seed 6: Buzzard's Boozers

Seed 2: Aventura Hellraisers
vs
Seed 5: Sammy's Swingers

Seed 3: Kameron Krazies
vs
Seed 4: Florida Fisters



Week 13 Review

It's lucky week 13 and we're almost to the finish line. In the first year of the twisted logic rankings, the top teams are sorting themselves out nicely. The Florida Fisters cemented their playoff position with a 32-23 win over the Hadley Hoodlums, who continued to cement their familiar position outside of the playoffs with another lackluster performance. The Fisters used 2 surprised TDs from DeShaun Foster to claim another victim, this one a hapless cucumber disguised as a more hapless Minuteman. The French Shaun Meanwhile, Sammy's Swingers used an inspired effort to wipe the floor with the Kameron Krazies, 44-24. The Swingers used 2 TDs each from Larry Grandmama Johnson and TJ Howlongismynameshmandzadeh to take and keep an early lead. Brothers cannot get a witness on this one, or at least the witnesses are on CPT. In a matchup of teams that will be home for the holidays, the Blowsticks stormed to a 19-15 win over the Baylick Browns. "It's only the beginning of the start of something that could start to be something big," said loquacious Blowsticks' owner Mike Reeves. Browns' owner Piccolo Swamy prepared for the Kama Sutra Cheerleading Championships, figuring he had a better change in that venue than 2005 Fantasy Football. Buzzard's Boozers are fighting to the end, waxing the Delaware Destroyers 30-7 and trying to prove a point in the process. Winning owner Chad Buzzard was fired up, saying, "I'm ready for the playoffs - bring it on punks!" Too bad his team hasn't acutally made the playoffs yet. Hold your horses son. Destroyers' owner John Farro was called for comment but unavailable as cell phones are turned off in the poker pits. Shitty Game Aventure Hellraisers eked out a 22-18 win over the Fish Clubbers to continue their top record push. Hellraisers' owner Chris Ambrosio celebrated with Italian wine, pesto pasta and a dark, large nosed, moustached woman of his choice. The Clubbers are launching a formal protest over the lineup he turned in, despite the fact he's only in one league currently and the fact he didn't turn in a lineup. Finally, the DCStL Yeah Dudes topped the CA Snatch 36-23 in the Kaboom toilet bowl cleaner game of the week. The Yeah Dudes celebrated their victory by replaying every Grey Poupon ever aired, presumably preparing for his good life after a JIT Championship. CA Snatch owner Greg Mest performed machistic acts for leaving 18 points of Lee Evans on the bench, but had trouble finding pain points in his body for the numbness caused by MNF and the BCS.

There's 1 week left until the playoffs and I've got absolutely nothing interesting left to say. Let's hope the games and the results speak for themselves.



Week 12 Review

We'll dispense with the formalities, the regalities and the sobriety this week and get right to the point. The playoffs are right around the corner and still nothing is decided. What is decided is that it was a decidedly bad week for pine time as 7 of the 12 teams left double-digit on their bench; the Baylick Browns leading the way with what is believed to be a record 32 points sitting wayward and forlornly on the proverbial purgatory that is the JIT bench. Alas, this inactivity led to another dismaying loss, 32-15 to Sammy's Swingers. Said Swingers are easing toward a possible playoff birth with a patented late season run, while the Browns are easing towards a cliff without a parachute. Mr Robinson's Neighborhood Meanwhile, Buzzard's Boozers couldn't pull one out and continued their run of beginner's tough luck, losing 32-31 to DCStL Yeah Dudes and missing out on the weekly point bonus by 1 point as well. Amazingly, under the new ranking system, the Boozers still have a slim slim chance to make the playoffs if everything, and I mean everything goes their way. The Yeah Dudes maintained their lead on the overall points race, with the Hellraisers and Krazies beathing down their neck. These high point teams also continued their good runs this week, and we're not talking about bowels. The Kameron Krazies laughed all the way to the bank in polishing off another hard luck team, the Blowsticks, 42-37. There's a reason Blowsticks' owner Mike Reeves is affectionately known as "Mush". Even when he has a breakout week the cards are stacked against him. If it wasn't for bad luck he'd have no luck at all. By the way, he's got a tip for you in the next race. The Aventura Hellraisers of Chris Ambrosio also won a heated grudge match, defeating the Florida Fisters 23-14, owned by the brother Tom Ambrosio. Said brothers are like brothers, and we don't mean the Afrikan kind. No, brothers in blood, and it spills Fanstasy Football red. The defensive minded affair allowed the Yeah Dudes to widen the narrow points lead, but don't think that this wily Italian doesn't have a few tricks up his sleeve, and maybe in the toilet as well. Bring the canoli. Leave the gun. Bench Time Another huge grudge match had the Fish Clubbers sticking one to the Hadley Hoodlums 37-16. Though he's not going to make the playoffs again this year, what better way to finish things than sticking it to an old rival and in doing so likely keep said rival from making the playoffs themselves. Jibber jabber walla walla. The last 2 sentences make about the same sense. Whatever. What's trying to be said is that all's well that ends well in the land of Fish and chips. Finally, the CA Snatch won a game they themselves admittedly had no right to win, 20-16 over the Delaware Destroyers. The latter's kicker took a few yawns and not much else in only scoring 1 point on Monday Night Football to hand the victory to the Snatch. As we all know, any Snatch is better than no Snatch, and an ugly win is better than no win at all.

We've only got 2 weeks left to decide this - today 9 of the 12 teams can still make it mathematically, and the other 3 can make it in a drug-induced logic haze. Stay tuned to see how it pans out.



Week 11 Review

The final week of interconference play brought the game of the year so far, featuring the 8-2 Aventura Hellraisers vs the 8-2 Kameron Krazies. The Hellraisers used the arm of 2004 League MVP Peyton Manning to edge the Krazies 34-29 and take the overall team lead. Krazies' owner Edgar Melvin claimed bias, saying the league isn't ready for a black man to be in the top spot. Surprisingly, said Melvin has been league champ twice. Chump don't want no help, chump don't get no help. Victorious owner Chris Ambrosio got philosophical, claiming that his victory was because light-skinned Italians are smarter than dark-skinned ones. Who's the Manning? Meanwhile, the DCStL Yeah Dudes tried to keep pace, upping their record to 7-4 with a 41-30 topping of the Baylick Browns. There's no love in the Show Me state between these 2 St Louis natives, though we preferred both show us as little as possible. Winning owner Gabe Glasscock headed to east St Louie for some celebratory crack and hookers, while Browns' owner Piccolo Swamy scratched his crack and hooked his nose. Buzzard's Boozers late season rally took a hit as Sammy's Swingers stepped up to the plate in a big way in a 40-31 victory. While RBs Larry Johnson and Edgerrin James canceled each other with 2 TDs each, it was Iowa Hawkeye standout Nate Kaeding who made the difference with 12 kicking points. Oh, not to mention the Boozers leaving 18 points on the pine. Aaron Smith claimed the win was due to painting the visiting locker room pink, but Boozers' owner Chad Buzzard blew off the claim, saying, "I like pink. And I like you too". Scary. The Florida Fisters continued their run of good luck, topping the no luck Blowsticks 30-21. While the Fisters aren't the flashiest or the most offensive, well, save for the name, but they keep eking out wins. Like da Bears. Like owner Tom Ambrosio's hero Al Davis says, "Just win baby". Have we told you the story about when Al's white sweatpants fell down in a meeting? Maybe another day. The Blowsticks in the meantime, decided to postpone their breakout season until 2007, as they officially announced in their Monday press conference. A wrinkle in time Meanwhile, the Delaware Destroyers reveled in a 43-23 win over Hadley Hoodlums, despite being $33 million under the cap due to recessionary constraints. Winning owner John Farro celebrated by taking $2 from his eldest son's piggy bank for rent and selling $5 worth of each of his kids' Halloween candy take for food expenses. Hoodlums' owner Tim Bishko called Detroit and told them bullshit. They, however, will not trade him right #$%!ing now. Finally, in the Oil of Olay youthful wrinkle cream game of the week, Fish Clubbers topped CA Snatch 30-15, dimming the latters already slim playoff chances. Winning owner Glen Fisher claimed no use of wrinkle curing creams or injections, though clammed up when questioned on the matters of Just for Men or Wind Tunnels. Losing owner Greg Mest was too busy buying Reggie Brown and Mike McMahon jerseys to notice.

Week 12 brings back the intraconference games and the stretch run to the 2005 playoffs, as well as plenty of attempted whoring and successful drinking.



Week 10 Review

Certainly Murphy's Law has been the rule of the day this year and week 10 was no exception. As luck would have it, the two highest scoring teams of the week happened to score the same amount of points. The Fish Clubbers and Delaware Destroyers each battled for 38 points, in the end for nothing more than a tie in the standings. Clubbers' owner Glen Fisher looked to pick up free agent Shaun Alexander, only to find out this is not 1996 anymore. Destroyers' owner John Farro tried to trade Chester Taylor and $1.38 in cash for LaDanian Tomlinson, also to no avail. Hey, $1.38 is all one can afford during a recession. Give it to Mikey. Mikey likes it! Meanwhile, the Aventura Hellraisers eked out a 23-21 win over the hapless Blowsticks, who mulled over another lost season and their current injury list, which outweighed their quality starter list by a 3-1 margin despite current stud Mike Alstott and his 14 points for the week. Umm, make that 6-1. Actually, is there even 1 quality starter? Hellraisers borrowed against their future earnings with a few hookers and some potato chips in a hell of a party. Who says farting in the tub doesn't equal a jacuzzi? The DCStL Yeah Dudes also kept scoring, though not at their former breakneck pace, in beating Sammy's Swingers 25-15. Yeah Dudes' owner Gabe Glasscock was too busy fending off calls from some senile old man looking for Shaun Alexander to comment on the win, but the bulge in his pants told the story after years of JIT futility. Swingers' owner Aaron Smith is currently seeking photos of said bulge and is also unavailable for comment. The Kameron Krazies continued their winning ways, topping the Florida Fisters 25-18, despite a bye week for main man LanDanian Tomlinson. When reached for comment, Krazies' owner Edgar Melvin responded with a question of his own: "Do you mind if we dance wif yo dates?" Shamma lamma ding dong. Fisters' owner Tom Ambrosio, obviously angered at the poor performance, said, "They're animals anyway so let them lose their souls." Smells poopy Buzzard's Boozers continued their late season surge, stepping up the 'D' in topping the Baylick Browns 32-22. Time will tell if they have enough to sneak into the playoffs, but in the meantime owner Chad Buzzard threw a team party with 25 cases of beer and 1 bag of pretzels. When asked if he had enough food, Buzzard replied, "p-p-p-p-plenty". Browns' owner Piccolo Swamy snuck into the Boozer party, posing as a hot dog vendor and saying, "Dammit if I can't get a win, I'm going to get my money's worth somehow." Finally, in the Huggies Diaper Crappy Game of the Week, CA Snatch held off the Hadley Hoodlums 29-25 in a result sure to piss off loser Tim Bishko for hours to come. When pressed for a reaction, Bishko said, "That's what we're here for guys, to win. Man for man we're better than any #*&^!ing club in the league." Time to sell the massage table. Victorious owner Greg Mest ordered a new batch of matches and reflectors, since his winning record is a bug batch of smoke and mirrors.

Week 11 sees the last of the interconference matchups and the rapid approach of the transaction deadline. Stay tuned for more frivolity and quotes from obscure 80's comedies.

Note from Commissioner's office: Eagles' season, playoff streak, consistency and pride: R.I.P.



Week 9 Review

Sometimes the fantasy is just that and the games work out the way they should. Case in point is the Kameron Krazies 63-46 shootout with Buzzard's Boozers in a game that shows what an FF game is supposed to be. The Krazies rode 4 LaDanian Tomlinson early TDs and held on as the Monday Night game went back and forth and lit up the scoreboard. Afterwards, victorious owner Edgar Melvin could not be found but was last rumored to be milling about the restrooms at Banana Joe's in Channelside. No Bacon on this LT Meanwhile, the Aventura Hellraiser kept pace, also using the MNF scorefest to blow past the defenseless CA Snatch 47-31. Hellraisers' owner Chris Ambrosio, a former 2-time champion, sat in the corner of his studio apartment, counting his pennies and marking the days off on a small Hooters calendar to what he hopes is a 3 league trophy. Snatch owner Greg Mest called a hasty press conference, announcing that he was suspending himself for conduct detrimental to the team. The other league big scorer - and we don't mean female-wise - the DCStL Yeah Dudes, rested early and often in cruising to a 31-16 win over the Blowsticks. Winning owner Gabe Glasscock could not be reached for comment as he was modeling for women's, uh, paraphernalia akin to his name, though the molds apparently had to be scaled down. In more modest news, let's review the Blowsticks top players: Duante Culpepper; Terrell Owens; Ahman Green. Oomph. In the words of Mr T, "Good luck sucka." The champagne and cigars were broken out once again as the Fish Clubbers celebrated their 2nd triumph of the season, a 25-16 win over the Baylick Browns. The ink was still dry on the contract Clubbers' owner Glen Fisher signed with the devil: a soul for an FF title. Let's see if the wins keep coming and that the devil forgot the other contract he already signed with Fisher: a soul for a lifetime of windtunnel-tested hair. Smells manly Sammy's Swingers score a hairy win over the Hadley Hoodlums, 30-24, in a game that featured the most hookers per capita of any crowd this year. Losing owner Tim Bishko could not be reached for comment as he was driving full blast to the Channelside district of Tampa, hopefully not for a peek of the aforementioned Krazies owner. Swingers owner Aaron Smith, meanwhile, was eyeing up that Yeah Dude mold and feeling a bit tingly inside. Finally, in the Gilette Close Shave game of the week, the Florida Fisters eked out a defensive 13-12 win over the Delaware Destroyers. Defensive as in strong defense? No, defensive as in defending a win with only 13 points. In the words of Johnny Upton, "It's f***ing embarassing". Oh well. Johnny always says, you can only drink so much and screw so much. Any more games like this and f***ing Chrysler plant here we come.

Week 10 is coming up as we hit double digits and the stretch run. Some will be counting their wins while others will be counting their chickens, or more likely, the eggs they've laid. That's the only thing some of these guys are laying...



Week 8 Review

The game of the week belonged to the Hadley Hoodlums and Baylick Browns, who dueled to what wound up being a 29-28 victory by the Hoodlums over their cross-state rivals. The Hoodlums used 2 Heath Miller TDs on Monday night to shock the Browns, who could lay claim to feeling down, brown and totally crappy after the close loss. Victorious owner Tim Bishko proclaimed, "I'm back baby!" in homage to his TV equivalant, George Costanza. Chocolaty Heath Bar Meanwhile, Bishko's erstwhile mentor, Glen Fisher, fell back to the ranks of the rank as his Fish Clubbers were clubbed by Sammy's Swingers 40-13, ending their season-best win streak at one. Fisher was heard saying, "Opium. The Yam Yam. You're hooked", while sympathetic Swingers' owner Aaron Smith sang, "Get well, get well soon. We want you to get well." The Florida Fisters used a 33-28 win over CA Snatch to tie for the league best record at 6-2. Triumphant owner Tom Ambrosio declared, "My god, the (king) is dead! ...And then there were two..." while losing owner Greg Mest said, "I'm out! I'm out of the contest!" while throwing his money on the table. The Aventura Hellraisers continued their hellraising play in a 42-30 beating of the Delaware Destroyers, celebrating a howling Halloween weekend in style. "No no, the mutton is just right," said winning owner Chris Ambrosio. "This is excellent mutton. Can you pass the gravy?" while dejected owner John Farro could only shout, "Oh, the humanity!" as his season continued to flame. Tied up and trashy In what was thought to be a potential point-fest, the Kameron Krazies instead eked out a 22-17 win over the defensive DCStL Yeah Dudes. Normally reserved Krazy owner Edgar Melvin was heard asking him team, "You put the balm on?!? Who told you to put the balm on?" Across the hall, Yeah Dude owner Gabe Glasscock was seen throwing a fit reminiscent of Koko the Monkey. Finally, in the Hefty bag tie game of the week, Blowsticks and Buzzard's Boozers played to a 24-24 draw in a game that will surely stand the test of time as one of the most non-descript games ever. Blowsticks' owner Mike Reeves angrily told the media, "I've got things going here you have no idea about," while Boozers' owner Chad Buzzard stopped short of saying the same.

Stay tuned for week 9 when several owners pull stunts of relatively meager proportions and Rod Carew makes a guest appearance as a 3-legged man.



Week 7 Review

Start the presses - the Boozers are off the roll. But wait, stop the presses! Taking the Boozers off their roll are the Fish Clubbers, who notched their first win of the season 32-18 over the previously rolling Buzzard's Boozers. Clubbers' owner Glen Fisher was pulled away from his copy of "The Old Man and the Sea" long enough to comment, "This is only the beginning. The tide is turning," before falling asleep. Ain't Michael While the Clubbers rested, the Hadley Hoodlums pulled the shock of the week, topping the juggernaut DCStl Yeah Dudes 31-29, prompting Yeah Dudes owner Gabe Glasscock to throw a fit and trade for yet another running back, his 7th. The trouble is finding enough balls to go around, even for a Glasscock. As Hoodlums' owner Tim Dicko did the chicken dance in the VIP room following the big win, the Aventura Hellraisers rode the storm out and swamped the Baylick Browns 58-8 in the largest MOV (Margin of Victory) of the season thusfar. Hellraisers' owner Chris Ambrosio raised a little hell of his own, ordering up oysters and clams aplenty in his VIP room. Losing owner Piccolo Swamy could barely muster enough enthusiasm to serve up a few hot dogs. While the weiners were cooking, the Delaware Destroyers added a little relish to the scene in a 35-13 drubbing of the Kameron Krazies. Destroyers' owner John Farro celebrated a big win by pissing off a new car salesman, while Krazies' owner Edgar Melvin submitted a claim of reverse reverse discrimination with the league office. That will be stored in the file bin that looks like a large round can in the corner of the office. MMMM, almost ham As the Krazies typed petitions, the Florida Fisters were eking out a 27-24 win over Sammy's Swingers, whose fortunes continue to go down the same tube as their namesakes. Fisters' owner Tom Ambrosio was heard to say, "Let them die - they're animals anyway," and Swingers' owner Aaron Smith was too busy hemming up some new shorts to comment on the loss, the commentary or the team's fortunes. Finally, as the shorts grew shorter, CA Snatch was topping Blowsticks 19-12 in the Spam Canned Ham game of the week. Blowsticks' owner Mike Reeves was too busy rubbing Ricky Williams' sore calves and pep-talking his ear to notice. Snatch owner Greg Mest was noticeably angry after the win, yelling at his team to suck it up and start winning some games, despite a 5-2 record.

Stay tuned for week 8 games as the season opens part 2, act 1 in the foolish play we call JIT 2005.



Week 6 Review

Stop the presses - the Boozers are on a roll! Apparently off the sauce and playing sober, the Boozers rode 3 Edgerrin James' TDs to their 2nd straight win, 49-15 over the Hadley Hoodlums, who had to eat a bit of crow after cawing about their 2005 success. "There's nothing better than making a beak- nosed bastard eat his words," said Boozers' owner Chad Buzzard about the vociferous Hoodlums' owner Tim Bishko. No poetic license in that quote. EJ Brandy While the Boozers are breakin out the champagne, the Yeah Dudes are stocking up on trophy polish after walloping the luckless Fish Clubbers 65-34, using 4 more Shaun Alexander TDs and tying the high game of the year prize in the process. "I'm clean, sometimes sober and ready to score," said Yeah Dudes maturing owner Gabe Glasscock. "Bring on the ol' muttafrickers in dis lizeague." You can sleep easy Eminem. The team the Yeah Dudes tied for high game, the Aventura Hellraisers, beat Sammy's Swingers 34-21 in the battle of the loquacious optimists. After the games, Hellraisers' owner Chris Ambrosio said, "My team is great and we love Aventura!", while Swingers' owner Aaron Smith said, "My team is still great and we love Cincinnati!" Whatever. In the battle of the nearly old men, the Florida Fisters ran it up on the Baylick Browns 46-24, causing Fisters' owner Tom Ambrosio to lift the gag order on his team and send back half the body bags he ordered after last week's loss to the Boozers. Piccolo Swamy of the Browns could only muster a "Dammit. Penn State. Dammit. Cardinals. Dammit. Browns. Dammit." after the loss. Dog Eat Dog World The Kameron Krazies continued their roster mastery in handing the CA Snatch their 2nd straight defeat 33-28. "Cut me some slack - my momma didn't raise no dummy," said Krazies' owner Edgar Melvin after the big win. Chump don't want no help, chump don't get no help. Finally, in the Alpo dog food game of the week, the Blowsticks edged the Delaware Destroyers 11-9 in the 9th inning with some timely hitting and good relief pitching. "Some remember the Titans. We remember the Hoodlums (circa 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001...)," said dejected Destroyers' owner John Farro after the single digit performance.

Stay tuned for lucky week 7 action as some look to win, some look to score, and some are just looking for a strip club to imagine scoring.



Week 5 Review

Week 5 - One week is a blip, two is a suggestion, three is a trend and five is a study; some have got some reading to catch up on. The contenders and pretenders are really starting to take shape now. The biggest mover and shaker was also the biggest winner of the week. Kameron Krazies made several bold personnel moves and they paid off as they took over the overall top spot in the league after a 41-22 win over the hapless Fish Clubbers. The losers are continuing a downward spiral since their overall number 1 ranking in 2003 that never did pay off in a JIT crown. Pimpin Right on the Krazies' heels are the DCStL Yeah Dudes, who despite their cumbersome name and history of mediocrity are breaking out in 2005, the latest evidence being a 46-26 throttling of the Aventura Hellraisers. Shaun Alexander continues to be one of the steadiest performers with another 2 TD performance, in leading the Yeah Dudes to the point total lead. Taking the biggest tumble were the CA Snatch, who fell and fell hard from the ranks of the unbeaten, falling 17-5 to the thankful Baylick Browns in a game that was about as graceful and artistic as the FSU Miami game Labor Day night. Despite a 4-1 record, the Snatch have some serious personnel issues with which to cope in the coming weeks as injuries mount. The surprising Hadley Hoodlums took a winning record into the deepest part of the season in a while, running their record to 3-2 after 39-20 dismantling of the Blowsticks. The loser took it on the chin this weekend, suffering through NFL and FF pain after the CFA disappointment in Happy Valley Saturday. Do they have Fantasy Texas Hold 'em? Pipe Cleaner Off the schnide at last are Buzzard's Boozers, who beat the team they displaced in the NNFC, the Florida Fisters, 30-15. Owner Chad Buzzard will be happily opening his wallet as his promised free cheesy Gordita crunches for the whole team after they won their first game. On the other side of the coin, the Fisters promised cement shoes for anyone involved in losing to the Boozers. Could get ugly. Finally, in the Liquid Plummer clogged pipe game of the week, Sammy's Swingers eked out a 26-20 win over the Delaware Destroyers in wining their second game in their new Cincinnati digs. No word yet on whether they will be switching to striped orange helmets or resigning Ickey Woods, but we all know owner Aaron Smith was doing a little shuffle this weekend after the win.

Stay tuned as we adjust our sets and return to ridiculous Owner quotes in week 6.



Week 4 Review

Week 4 - More, More, More! Some owners are feasting and still want more; others are just looking for a few crumbs. Aventura Hellraisers celebrated the renaissance of Peyton Manning with a big 65-36 win over Buzzard's Boozers, who would be happy for a cup of water and some stale bread at the JIT Feast. The 4 Manning TDs kept the Hellraisers' fortunes graphing like a volatile stock market - up, down, up, down. We're up this week - way up. Outmanning CA Snatch on the other hand, used a consistent approach to run their record to 4-0 with a 31-19 over Sammy's Swingers. "Good defense, solid QB, hot cheerleaders," said Snatch owner Greg Mest. "That's how we get it done." Swingers' owner Aaron Smith was unavailable for comment, out looking for Rafael Palmero's dealer. The Baylick Browns could not muster up consistency in falling to Delaware Destroyers 30-16. "Damn players can't make up their minds to be great or to hate," said owner Piccolo Swamy. In the meantim Destroyers' owner John Farro celebrated by shooting his potato gun and driving his truck fast. Kameron Krazies edged the Hadley Hoodlums 31-27 on the strength of overall #2 pick LaDainian Tomlinson and another 2 TDs for him. Hoodlums' owner beat himself about the head, neck, breast and chest for leaving 23 points on the bench and costing his team a possible win. Glazed Goodness In the Krispy Kreme jelly-filled goodness game of the week, the Fish Clubbers and Blowsticks tied 23-23 for the first tie of the year. Winless on the year, Clubbers' owner Glen Fisher will take what he can get. "Send me to Mexico City - I'll play anywhere! It's a kick! Taco Taco Taco!" Finally, Florida Fisters came back on Monday night to edge DCStL Yeah Dudes 25-20 in a meeting of old conference rivals. Fisters' owner Tom Ambrosio was subdued in victory, prefering to stroke his cat in his dark office and mull (trade) offers he can't refuse.

Stay tuned for more exciting pricing games and showcase showdowns. Oh yeah, and some football too. Don't forget to have your mascots spade and neutered.



Week 3 Review

Week 3 saw the surge of points and shootouts that were sorely lacking in the first 2 weeks. Any number of players could be considered the player of the week, but we'll go with Shaun Alexander, whose 4 TDs carried the DCStL Yeah Dudes to 54-46 win over the Delaware Destroyers. The points barrage left Destroyers' owner John Farro perturbed: "I fahnally come out of mah depression, and wouldn't you know Alexander the Great it - I run into a billionaire mogul. Hot Damn. Time to go beat up on the other conferences." Also riding the points wave were the Baylick Browns, who used a balanced attack to defeat the Kameron Krazies 52-42. No truth the rumor that the official game tracker on this one was called the "minority report". One of the league's biggest rivalies, definitely snow white in nature, had Sammy's Swingers topping their old nemesis Blowsticks 35-28. "It's nice to get that pariah off my back," said Swingers' owner Aaron Smith. "I don't really know what that means but I know I don't want Reeves behind me." The CA Snatch continued their consistent play with a 36-12 drubbing of Buzzard's Boozers. Boozers' owner Chad Buzzard was unavailable for comment as he was too busy short-selling stock in, well, Buzzard's Boozers. Such are the growing pains. Florida Fisters Hemmorhoids? looked to get back on track and the doctor subscribed a dose of Fish Clubbers. The result was a 28-12 victory for the drug buyer. Clubbers' owner Glen Fisher could be seen tacking up cardboard signs in the neighborhood stating, "Garage Sale. Next weekend. FF Players cheap." Finally, in the pine tar game of the week, the "defensive minded" Aventura Hellraisers stopped the offensively challenged Hadley Hoodlums 20-12. The teams combined to leave 32 points on the bench. Hellraisers' Owner Chris Ambrosio celebrated by attempting to trade his entire team.

Stay tuned for Week 4 and start of interconference matchups, stupid trades, reactionary benchings and a little something we like to call "The Pizzinator"... "I'll be bach."



Week 2 Review

The comeback of week 2 saw the Hadley Hoodlums overcome a 10 point deficit on Monday night and edge the Florida Fisters 21-19. Fisters' owner Tom Ambrosio is having a hard time coming by points the way he did the last 2 years. "I'm about to knock some heads - and cement some shoes - if this keeps up," said the none too happy owner. Also upset with his team was Baylick Browns' owner Piccolo Swamy, who could only manage 21 points in a 23-21 defeat at the hands McNasty of the Blowsticks. "45 point last week and now losing to the Blowsticks - how low can one go?" interred said Mr. Swamy. Defending champs CA Snatch rode 20 Donovan McNabb points to a 38-33 triumph over DCStl Yeah Dudes in the shootout of the week. "A measure of good practice, a cup of spirit, and a dose of the 49ers coming to town is all you need to succeed," said Snatch owner Greg Mest. Kameron Krazies also had a big week, tying Snatch for high game of the week in a 38-14 whupping of Sammy's Swingers, who are still feeling relocation pains. "It's so nice to see so many of you at the Desta Lake Club," said Edgar Melvin of the Krazies. "We're going to do a tune for you now entitled Shama Lama Ding Dong. So hit it." Watch your dates. The Delaware Destroyers rebounded from a tough defeat with a 36-15 trouncing of Buzzard's Boozers. "Ugh," said owner Chad Buzzard. "There's a little salt in the 'welcome to the league' wound." Heartburn City Finally, in the Pepto abBismal game of the week, the Aventura Hellraisers scaled the Fish Clubbers 23-10. Clubbers' owner Glen Fisher was reached for comment but could nothing but drool and suck down some Yankee Bean Soup. One wonders how long he can continue to write off the league as business expense on his taxes.

Check out week 3 and see if the scores in the NNFC continue to average 35-30 while the JAFC hover around 19-10. See if you can determine where the real FF prowess lies.



Week 1 Review

Week 1 of the yearlong JIT 10th anniversary extravanganza started off with, if not a bang, than at least a splauey. The NNFC saw the 2 closest games that weren't decided until the clock showed zeroes on the Monday night game. The DCStl Yeah Dudes, hoping to erase 4 years of frustration, edged out newcomer Buzzard's Boozers 29-28 with a balanced attack. "We're just taking it one game at a time out here. We want to win for our fans, and Chillin' Dillon for our dads," said Dudes' owner Gabe Glassock. Defending champs CA Snatch got just enough points from MNF to top the Delaware Destroyers 23-22. Snatch owner Greg Mest attributed the win to a great training camp, youthful energy, and larger muscles from an offseason of carrying the heavy trophy. One game that wasn't close was the 45-24 dismantling of Sammy's Swingers by the resurgent Baylick Browns, who used 24 points from his running back tandem of Deuce McCallister and Corey Dillon to take the early, early lead in the high game point race. Sammy's Swingers' owner Aaron Smith could not be reached for comment as he is moving the team to Cincinnati, where they have been bereft of pro football for years. In other rivalry games, the Hadley Hoodlums eked out a 21-19 win over Fish Clubbers, who have been on the schnide so long the schnide is dead and flat. Hoodlums' owner Tim Bishko celebrated the win by getting drunk and trying Vegas Baby, Vegas to break into people's hotel rooms. (Security!) In their first year in the same conference, brother owners Tom and Chris Ambrosio saw the elder Tom's Florida Fisters once again best whippersnapper Chris' Aventure Hellraisers 32-16. Younger Chris could only say, "yeah man ff bullshit chicks hookup with cats hooters after game!", or something like that. Finally, in the "Vegas told you so" game of the week, the Kameron Krazies topped the hapless Blowsticks 21-9. Blowsticks owner Mike Reeves, upon further review, will bet neither the farm nor Wilbur the pig on his team winning it all.

Stay tuned for Week 2 action as intraconference rivals continue to butt heads and it sounds like two empty coconuts colliding.



Draft Review

The 10th Annual JIT Draft and Idiot Convention concluded August 27, 2005 in fabulous Las Vegas at the Mirage Hotel and Casino, at least for those considered "cool" in JIT circles. As usual, 168 of the finest players were selected in the quest for the prize, or at least 154 of the finest players and the Hoodlums' squad. Did you notice:

-That 3 Panthers Running Backs were selected before the starting Bears Running Back?
-That many owners took the approach of stockpiling Running Backs and get a Quarterback when you can?
-That the Krazies took the same 2 Quarterbacks as the Snatch from 2004?
-The Hoodlums picked a Quarterback in the 3rd and 4th round?
-Keary Colbert with the 168th may be the best last pick in 10 years?
-Mike Vanderjagt was the first Kicker taken, in the 6th round?
-The Ravens were the first Defense taken, in the 11th round?
-There were 8 Panthers and 8 Broncos taken?
-There were 2 49ers and 2 Browns taken?

All in all another good time for those in the desert. The rest spent the draft twiddling their ball hairs in their homes. For more information and photos, use the Draft Central link on the left.

EARLY VEGAS ODDS TO WIN 2005 JIT CHAMPIONSHIP:
Florida Fisters 12-1
Kameron Krazies 10-1
CA Snatch 12-1
Sammy's Swingers 8-1
Delaware Destroyers 8-1
Fish Clubbers 8-1
Aventura Hellraisers 8-1
Buzzard's Boozers 18-1
Blowsticks 20-1
Baylick Browns 8-1
DCStL Yeah Dudes 8-1
Hadley Hoodlums 18-1
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